Pre Court Tenseness

A week away from being back in court for the case, and again im faced with another bias fabricated report.. thank god i have a decent solicitor and friends who can calm my frustrated tears fearful that i am about to be slaughtered again by the lovely bastards that are social services!

This time they new social worker has slipped up, hopefully discrediting her whole report by writing that she asked my 5 yo daughter whether she wants to stay with mummy for 7 days, to which my daughter replied no i want things to stay the same. Then got emotional that night saying if i live with you will i never see nanny or my aunties again? And of course i reassured her that wouldĀ  never happen and explained she would get to spend weekends with nanny and aunties, or have sleep overs here.. which sorted that out!

The whole report is clearly rushed, spelling is awful and she makes no reference to my recent assessment from the mental health team who decided they were happy with my self sought counselling, and determination to get to family therapy with mother dearest, and saw no reason for me to have CBT despite social services insistence on the basis of a report 2 years old. -I told them i progress fast šŸ™‚ ..The onus through the whole report is a clear character assassination, not an assessment of my parenting skills or progress to date, i would like to point out that social services have not asked me to do anything more than chase up therapy which i have done very successfully! It also makes me out as very supportive or sympathetic to mother dearest situation (again why do they think i have to mother my mother in some role reversal?) Thankfully i have 3 professional supporting letters contradicting her whole report.. if this doesn’t get me residency back then the shared residency we will settle on will see that social services have no input into arrangements mother dearest and i make from then on regarding changes to increase my contact/responsibility!

As ive been legally advised; they didn’t take you to court then, so they certainly wont now! You just have to tow the line with your mum in family therapy and that will enable you to have your daughter back. I’m still speechless as to why my incompetent mother still gets to dictate my life? I’m 24 now.. this has long gone further than a joke! Especially when my mother is getting donation food bags over christmas due to not having any money, when as it clearly states in this lovely report; She is in receipt of income support and child & tax benefits, lives with her husband who works and receives Ā£50 per week from her working son as a contribution towards board and lodgings, she is also in receipt of housing and council tax benefits. Yet kicks up a stink when i question why she can afford to go on holiday yet cannot afford to buy my daughter new clothes? And manages to get the social worker believe i am bullying her, to which the social worker writes up as me projecting my issues onto mother dearest! This woman is a joke!!

Nevertheless all my supporting letters (including one from my brother stating he gave her over Ā£700 in the space of 2 weeks not the Ā£50 as stated!!-He has since moved out) will show the judge what a useless piece of crap social services are, and how capable i am of parenting despite their reported misconceptions.

I have to put a lot of my progress down to my amazing aunty who went and qualified as an NLP therapist to help me through this, it’s still an emotional battle at times, but it gets easier everyday as i learn how to fully trust myself and let go of all those safe nauseating feelings that kept me a prisoner of abuse. I know i wouldn’t have got this far without some radical non NHS therapy, i would never have been able to afford NLP and i am forever grateful for my aunt’s wisdom & love.

It isn’t a happy ending yet…. I still have this case to win, and a fight with all the other parents who have fallen victim to the corruption in social services and family law to revolutionize this debilitating system.

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Whitehall Student Protests Evoking My BIG Emotions!

Been sitting here watching the news since 6pm, monitoring twitter -reading the thousands of tweets about the thousands of teenagers kettled in by police at the 24th November 2010 Student Protests against rising University fee’s at Whitehall London UK, theĀ biasĀ views of the press who love to feast on the one riot van being rocked about.. come on why would one police van be driving about amidst 50,000 angry teenageĀ protesters?

They know what happened last time so this was a blatant set up for bad press!

The feelings of anger bubble inside me and i’m not even a student! As a mother who’s daughter is safely tucked up in bed i can only imagine what the parents of these kettled in kids are feeling.. It doesnt make it any easier -I’m asking myself why i actually brought a child into this failing world we live in, where socially were set up to fail? I feel sick

Today put us on the brink of a Revolution -The students revolution, I’m quite sad I’m not educated enough to be involved, i feel thoroughly moved by the unity these students are showing! -It is the rest of the population who should feel ashamed for not being more supportive of our future generation’s education!

I have a headache, twitter and its small minded country bumpkin out of touch morty (my word for more ty’s in their age should put them in the mortuary) Ā year olds harping on in the most closed minded ways is literally infuriating! I hate to think i exist in a planet where such aĀ travestyĀ is upheld, these morons get paid to work and think like this? FUCK ME.. Get with the times its the 2010 not 1910! Actually in 1910 they probably would have marched into parliament and strung up the dodo’s making such hideousĀ decisionsĀ on behalf of this country!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/nov/24/student-protests-childrens-crusade?CMP=twt_gu

I liked this ^^^ despite it being from the bias Guardian!

But this blog post really hit homeĀ http://leninology.blogspot.com/ They’re spot on in their writing, todays students are tomorrows government induced militants, hugely underrated and yet sadly it seems to be a generalĀ consensusĀ out there that this world is over populated, the earth cant sustain us all, and their is no one radical enough out there to save us all, a back to basics lifestyle isnt what the spoilt majority want to do or even know how to do, shit half the population doesn’t even know how to cook a decent meal from scratch.

The futures not bright but it will be orange when this planet burns p in a huge ball of fire!

I feel better after ranting now ;~)

Catch up

Been neglecting my head space here a bit, mainly because I’m fairly content at the moment! Its been a while!!

Sure the credit crunch has been getting me down, but nothing some serial market researching cant combat šŸ˜› oooh a taboo subject I will have to write about very soon! my only haste is that should i give away all the tricks of the trade I may loose out in the long run on such a prudential income!

The recent news in politics about benefit overhaul as you can imagine has caught my attention, more so the topic of housing benefits cuts for people with young families in large inner city accommodations and sole occupants of more than 1 bedroom social properties .. I couldn’t agreeĀ  more! I don’t think its fair that people breed willy nilly don’t go to work, give their children a decent quality of life and yet sit back on their couch watching Jeremy Kyle only budging to go on the school run or down to the local boozer! Especially those who are married and could have their husband (wether he’s around or not!) pay his due’s to his family! Is marriage not worth anything these days?! Or the OAP’s (like the ones who live on my block!)Ā  whom sit comfortably in their 2/3 bedroom properties moaning and groaning at the other neighbours with kids, who want to play out, who go to work and have parties on the weekends.. these old people need to realise when its time to move on! If your continually moaning maybe its time to move to a smaller older aged village where the weekly meeting on neighbour hood watch and how to stop the cars from speeding will have some productive outcomes, instead of a younger generation deeming their wants as brainless in an inner city environment! URGH

Also talking with my bessie today about competence.. and the fact that as people in society we are highly competent, and don’t often get that the majority of people aren’t actually as competent as we are, we don’t need to be on a pedestal but seriously i do question if people even use their brains these days! or if we are just a handful of intellectuals having to dumb down in order to fit in? Too be honest I’m sick of it.. watch this space, some radical changes are going to happen soon!

Recent thought’s on Emotional Abuse

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about life and my blog and what i initially set this up to do, which was to help me stop her (mother dearest) from emotionally abusing her children (me and my siblings) and I’m not sure whether I’ve become disheartened with fighting this cause, or if in actual fact I’ve just learnt so much about it now, that i realise no one can actually help stop this problem.. mainly because its such a widespread issue in our society, emotional abuse is more than just shouting at your children or partner, it’s the long-term effect of living with a person who has numerous unresolved issues of their own which causes them to be unable to cope with everyday things in life, such as mood swings, hormones and the ever-changing society we live in.

I really don’t believe we will ever get to the bottom of emotional abuse unless people stop having children willy nilly, and realise what’s actually wrong with them, through therapeutic services and TIME! and then deal with their issues that make them unable to cope with such things..

and so because of this im thinking of renaming my blog, not sure of what yet but it feels like the right thing to do in order to take my writing to the next step… not sure where that is yet but life has its ways i guess.

In one of my friend counselling convo’s i made a comment to one of my friends this week about how families behave like animals in some circumstances, and i referred to several types of animal behaviour; Monkeys whom expel the one from the group who shows himself to be different, the bullying this monkey endures before being chased out of the group and exiled,and the Lions who very rarely have more than one male per pride, which i don’t need to explain why as we’ve all seen the discovery channel! It’s these exact behaviours animals exhibit which remind me of what many of my friends have experienced with their own families, difference being; Parents not being able to cope with not ruling the roost or being the boss anymore and having to allow their child the space to exert their own personality and preferences in lifestyle, which often parents consciously don’t want to allow or accept has happened, they fail to see the need to say “MY HOUSE MY RULES! DON’T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!” or have the ability to help their child leave the nest successfully with the understanding that everyone needs their own space thus being it their time to fly…

how is it that as humans we still behave like animals when it comes to connecting the brain paths between behaviour and asserting our humanity in a productive way?

Why do families fail to see how their children’s behaviours are products of their home environments?

As children (im speaking for the teens/adults who still live at home here under this term too as in my eyes if you still live at home with your parents your still a child) why are they unable to get through reasonably to their parents and break down the effects their parenting is/has had on them/their life?

Sure for me the only possible explanation is again the “my house my rules” mentality the parent is holding as a brick wall to not hear the truths their child is so clearly showing them… and again why would you as a parent not want to better your child’s life and grow your knowledge of life?! …pickles me this topic does!

It’s this example the most which grates on my soul in emotional abuse, as the above example clearly is… this unknowingly destroying abuse which causes so many problems for so many in life, which should be categorized as Emotional Abuse but is overlooked because we all endure it.

It prevents us as people from moving on in life, and understanding humanity on the whole.. heaven knows it’s the reason so many people bury their heads in distractions not always as productive as work, and yet how do we as a society or even i as the individual get this through to people in a constructive way? ..my only outlet is here in my writing, and in hope that those i send here to read will get what im writing about and fully comprehend what im talking about and take active steps to ensure bad patterns stop?

My fight goes on

I Am Reflective Parent

I feel as if I’m finally regaining some of my motherhood back at long last! simply being able to conversate with my daughter is such an amazing thing now she’s old enough to talk back and understand! I religiously read through my copy of “The Science of parenting -by Margot Sunderland” whenever i feel a slight inclination or doubt about how to manage a tantrum or my own feelings on mothering techniques, and i always learn something new to implement, or some new revelation about my own behaviours and i nip them in the bud so not to pass them onto my daughter!

It’s what i see so very few parents doing in their daily life, and yet it’s so important to look within and back to understand the present and future, to help most importantly your child to thrive… it’s the reason so many of my friends are “lost” in career.. emotion…each difference always coming back to the need to look back to see forward, its like regardless of their own or their child’s age, its something we all forget to do! Some bury their heads in their career, some have substance addictions, and if you’ve read my “mental-health-issues-prevalent-in-london” article you’ll be all to familiar with the hows and whys i think on mental health reasons; under stimulated brains with nothing better to do! and well some people choose to just not think about it… which is sad and the reason we all have such issues in our families, i don’t expect life to be perfect, i do majority of the time wish it was, but i cant help to feel that in today’s society if you don’t root out your issues the social divide will continue to widen… and it is going to come down to super intelligent Vs. super fucked up!

Saddest thing is that the older generations get the grump (yes I’m speaking from experience with my nan) about how the kids of today (I’m one of them) don’t care about the older generations, their parents or grandparents, as much as history dictates we should.. were born to look after our elders eventually… When in today’s society, slowly we’re realising with all the good intentions of our elders actually they’ve done us more harm than good-by handing down all these historical family issues that were now having to fight back against! That exact mindset of having kids to care for us in our elder years is a classic example! Which is why were now seeing a decrease in child bearers over a certain peak age, why women are choosing careers and a life over children, and why the ones not dealing with their issues are those with higher numbers of teen pregnancy’s and all the side effects that come with such demographics! some of what i write about at times mid paragraph may seem totally hypocritical but remember I’m writing from my experience which is not that of a well off person or a poor person) but that of a person who is middle ground trying to break free into the well off side..and yes i know even that causes different issues!

It’s not hard to see the blatant divides between rich-poor, young-old, even between ethnicity’s… they all have impending factors on why we make certain choices in life, (…I’m trying to write without having to give examples and im hoping all my readers are with me in the thought process with this one! please tell me if I’ve lost you and ill come back and stick an example in here!)

So final thought before my word count goes through the roof as usual!

I understand why the government is trialling or trying to implement/predict whose children will be of the higher new world order race, it feels like common sense to me for this to happen…shit if i was in some form of power or control id frigging do the same thing to protect this world and the people who had strived and worked hard to be where they are/get where their going… in their search for whatever it is we lust for in life!

I’m proud to be trying to break free of my issues, I’m sure this is going to impact my predecessors hugely, and i at times feel as if some families are a good few generations ahead of mine in this game.. but i do love my reflective parenting strategy it works for me, and when speaking with people and sharing such thoughts it’s clearly helping them for the better too, which will never be a bad thing!

I’m glad I think reflective parent!

Separated Families

Today I attended the Separated Families workshop run for parents dealing with separation issues, sitting in the meeting i could hear mothers brain ticking away as the penny slowly dropped, with every explanation of behaviour signs, exchange of experiences between parents, and the simple solutions Karen provided. I know mother left understanding more that what she came out of Mediation with, and we both managed to agree that such courses should be run in conjunction with if not before Mediation Sessions to be most productive!

The simple yet effective methods of explaining how behaviours and feelings work, using the research like Kubler Ross -Change Curve, doesn’t even leave you needing to verify his theory as it really does make perfect sense! And if you did question or unsure of how an example from your life fitted into the subject we were discussing Karen or one of her team were able to simplify your own emotions and feelings so clearly, you felt a bit stupid for not realising it yourself! Ok not even stupid..I’m exaggerating.. it was like someone re-worded your sentence and made it simple enough for a 5 year old to relate to! Being in an environment with other parents sharing their experiences and troubles was so moving, and probably for me the biggest lesson i learned in yet again keeping perspective; that there are other people in the world going through what you are, you’re not alone, and in a split second you’ve had the reality check you needed to tell you, you’re not an alien, this is fairly normal and now you can move on to find a solution to your next problem… that is some of what life is all about i suppose!

I’m still in total disgust that everything effectively positive I have had to go out of my way to find and if not funded under legal aid I’ve forces social services to pay for! and that they played no help or role in helping me find such services… i really do wonder what social services do now? ..i think i may go look their ethos up!

Back to the point; Separated Families: what an inspiring team Karen has… you can guarantee I’m now preparing a few letters to the Local Authority and all the relevant ministers in support of the benefits of using Separated Families workshops to empower and better help the everyday service user of the lower end of society, because we all know social services don’t touch families of wealth with a barge pole! And really they are the ones who need so much help, i can already foresee in families then community’s, the changes such an empowering and understanding course could bring to better peoples lives.

As always ill keep you updated with my progress on that!Ā  …I’m off now to de-Nit my infested hair! šŸ˜€ joyus times! X

Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

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