Pre Court Tenseness

A week away from being back in court for the case, and again im faced with another bias fabricated report.. thank god i have a decent solicitor and friends who can calm my frustrated tears fearful that i am about to be slaughtered again by the lovely bastards that are social services!

This time they new social worker has slipped up, hopefully discrediting her whole report by writing that she asked my 5 yo daughter whether she wants to stay with mummy for 7 days, to which my daughter replied no i want things to stay the same. Then got emotional that night saying if i live with you will i never see nanny or my aunties again? And of course i reassured her that would  never happen and explained she would get to spend weekends with nanny and aunties, or have sleep overs here.. which sorted that out!

The whole report is clearly rushed, spelling is awful and she makes no reference to my recent assessment from the mental health team who decided they were happy with my self sought counselling, and determination to get to family therapy with mother dearest, and saw no reason for me to have CBT despite social services insistence on the basis of a report 2 years old. -I told them i progress fast 🙂 ..The onus through the whole report is a clear character assassination, not an assessment of my parenting skills or progress to date, i would like to point out that social services have not asked me to do anything more than chase up therapy which i have done very successfully! It also makes me out as very supportive or sympathetic to mother dearest situation (again why do they think i have to mother my mother in some role reversal?) Thankfully i have 3 professional supporting letters contradicting her whole report.. if this doesn’t get me residency back then the shared residency we will settle on will see that social services have no input into arrangements mother dearest and i make from then on regarding changes to increase my contact/responsibility!

As ive been legally advised; they didn’t take you to court then, so they certainly wont now! You just have to tow the line with your mum in family therapy and that will enable you to have your daughter back. I’m still speechless as to why my incompetent mother still gets to dictate my life? I’m 24 now.. this has long gone further than a joke! Especially when my mother is getting donation food bags over christmas due to not having any money, when as it clearly states in this lovely report; She is in receipt of income support and child & tax benefits, lives with her husband who works and receives £50 per week from her working son as a contribution towards board and lodgings, she is also in receipt of housing and council tax benefits. Yet kicks up a stink when i question why she can afford to go on holiday yet cannot afford to buy my daughter new clothes? And manages to get the social worker believe i am bullying her, to which the social worker writes up as me projecting my issues onto mother dearest! This woman is a joke!!

Nevertheless all my supporting letters (including one from my brother stating he gave her over £700 in the space of 2 weeks not the £50 as stated!!-He has since moved out) will show the judge what a useless piece of crap social services are, and how capable i am of parenting despite their reported misconceptions.

I have to put a lot of my progress down to my amazing aunty who went and qualified as an NLP therapist to help me through this, it’s still an emotional battle at times, but it gets easier everyday as i learn how to fully trust myself and let go of all those safe nauseating feelings that kept me a prisoner of abuse. I know i wouldn’t have got this far without some radical non NHS therapy, i would never have been able to afford NLP and i am forever grateful for my aunt’s wisdom & love.

It isn’t a happy ending yet…. I still have this case to win, and a fight with all the other parents who have fallen victim to the corruption in social services and family law to revolutionize this debilitating system.

Separated Families

Today I attended the Separated Families workshop run for parents dealing with separation issues, sitting in the meeting i could hear mothers brain ticking away as the penny slowly dropped, with every explanation of behaviour signs, exchange of experiences between parents, and the simple solutions Karen provided. I know mother left understanding more that what she came out of Mediation with, and we both managed to agree that such courses should be run in conjunction with if not before Mediation Sessions to be most productive!

The simple yet effective methods of explaining how behaviours and feelings work, using the research like Kubler Ross -Change Curve, doesn’t even leave you needing to verify his theory as it really does make perfect sense! And if you did question or unsure of how an example from your life fitted into the subject we were discussing Karen or one of her team were able to simplify your own emotions and feelings so clearly, you felt a bit stupid for not realising it yourself! Ok not even stupid..I’m exaggerating.. it was like someone re-worded your sentence and made it simple enough for a 5 year old to relate to! Being in an environment with other parents sharing their experiences and troubles was so moving, and probably for me the biggest lesson i learned in yet again keeping perspective; that there are other people in the world going through what you are, you’re not alone, and in a split second you’ve had the reality check you needed to tell you, you’re not an alien, this is fairly normal and now you can move on to find a solution to your next problem… that is some of what life is all about i suppose!

I’m still in total disgust that everything effectively positive I have had to go out of my way to find and if not funded under legal aid I’ve forces social services to pay for! and that they played no help or role in helping me find such services… i really do wonder what social services do now? ..i think i may go look their ethos up!

Back to the point; Separated Families: what an inspiring team Karen has… you can guarantee I’m now preparing a few letters to the Local Authority and all the relevant ministers in support of the benefits of using Separated Families workshops to empower and better help the everyday service user of the lower end of society, because we all know social services don’t touch families of wealth with a barge pole! And really they are the ones who need so much help, i can already foresee in families then community’s, the changes such an empowering and understanding course could bring to better peoples lives.

As always ill keep you updated with my progress on that!  …I’m off now to de-Nit my infested hair! 😀 joyus times! X

Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

Positive Update!

Not much seems to be changing outside of mediation.. which I’m thankful for! At least i know the changes are being brought about my me and I’m finally being listened to! As the mediator put it I’m “having to shout from the rooftops to have a say in my daughter’s life” strange thought that… the fact that a baby i created and gave birth to someone else has more rights to control! I’m steadily gaining my control back however and today feels like an epiphany has finally arrived, today in mediation Mother dearest & I agreed to the following;

  • agreed with mother that we will close mediation and seek funding for court to address my residency of my daughter
  • we made an agreement with numerous things dealing with my daughter and continuing the progress with communication between us
  • we agreed to arrange a meeting with the social worker and her managers to discuss what we have so far agreed to in mediation and to clarify together where social services stand with their involvement. I’ve emailed asking for this to happen.
  • Social Services agreed to fund a 1 day course for mother & I run by Separated Families, agreeing it would benefit us both! (as usual the idea came from me & not them… i am so going to use that in court to show my productiveness and the social services incompetence!
  • I briefly discussed with mother about sole/shared residency and she threw in that social services were advising her to get special guardianship… there are a number of matters mother & I will be considering in that final decision depending on what happens over the next 2 weeks given our agreement and need to think of future possibility’s when i get my daughter back full-time, and if and when mother moves house (in the next year & half)
  • Strangely mediation is not funded under legal aid whilst i am going through court (which is rubbish as it is a huge benefit to have!) so we have been referred to their bridges project, which will be done with the same person who did our mediation at the same place which is fab! This will be a sort of 3rd party view on the progress between mother dearest & I on our agreement, including the meetings mother & I will hold separately between us both every 3 weeks or so or in emergency’s to discuss my daughter.
  • no over night’s as yet (will be reviewed soon)

I am happy however that I’ve finally found a way to communicate with mother dearest about this & my daughters needs, and effectively take the lead as mother dearest is clearly in complete chaos (reverse parenting or what!) so establishing clear boundaries and rules has been great and will continue! Those simple things like mealtime routines, bedtime’s, clear explanations  to my daughter about what the schedule for the day is, and enforcing the naughty chair and token chart from the offset without having to threaten it! Being able to keep consistent structured and most importantly show my daughter that she is loved and to make her feel secure by both me and mother dearest (grand-mother dearest in her case! lol)

I actually was quite dubious about mediation and for this session especially as it was only the second session.. however this has only been made possible by my ability to identify clear solutions to the problems mother dearest faces especially, having the mediator tell her well actually your daughter does have a point and wording it differently has made a huge difference! I do wonder how long it could have dragged out for had i not been more forceful on bringing practical changes about as soon as possible!

Note to self; Go and get some people communication skills and brush up on body language voice tones and learn how to manipulate my conduct to get what i want to convey across…

So were finally getting back to court, mother finally admitted she needs a judge to tell her and the social workers i am capable so that no one blames her for any wrongs!

It just dawned on me again, I’m doing what social services should have done 3 years ago, and I’m not even a qualified social worker! I don’t get paid, i have to do this in order to “fix” (i hate using that word but it is what I’m doing!) my family and I’m still thoroughly disgusted at the lack of assistance social services have provided, or rather NOT PROVIDED! I will be making sure my solicitor points this out to the judge in the court case, how the majority of positive outcomes in this case were brought about asked for and demanded by me! I’m long overdue some credit!

Social Services Pressure Tactics On Vulnerable Family

I’m absolutely fuming right now, just got back from dropping my daughter off to mother dearest’s.. i had a 3 minute conversation with mother dearest where she told me she had decided to withdraw her statement to social services of giving them 2 weeks notice to get the case to court as she wasn’t going to look after her grand-daughter (my daughter) anymore.. and since telling social services they have TO mother dearest that they wont be pursuing the courts or assessing whether I’m a suitable carer or not! Mother dearest said she had come to this conclusion after seeing how upset my daughter and my sister (of the same age)  had been at the start of my other sisters holiday leave.. and said they would all end up on prozac if she gave my daughter either to me or into foster care!

I can’t explain how fuming i am… it’s not hard to work out what social services did, clear pressure tactic’s to make mother dearest think my daughter would end up in foster care! I feel so sick, a service that’s meant to be there to help has told my mother only one side to the coin, my daughter will go into care end of, I’m not even being considered as a carer let alone discussed as a possibility! What’s even worse is that my mothers solicitor hasn’t even informed her of the other avenues we would all have to go down before court could agree to my daughter going into care, like 3 months in a mother and baby unit, or daily visits from social services in my accommodation whilst the ongoing assessments are done… enough is really enough!

I can’t even vent on how non of them have any faith in me bar my aunt solicitor GP and friends, they still think I’m that crazed teenager wrought with emotional and a lack of process and understanding… wow they couldn’t be more wrong!

I just txt mother dearest saying;

“What social services have done is make you think there is no other option before my daughter could ever go into care! All to save themselves the cost of taking us to court and footing the bill! so yet again they are forcing us into court when in fact they should be! what’s even worse is that your solicitor hasn’t even told you of the drill we would have to do before my daughter could go into care i.e.. mother and baby unit etc.! this is a joke.. I’ve got a journalist on call ready to put this whole story through every national paper and GMTV chat show possible, the only thing that stops me is your privacy, i can handle the invasion but you can’t, but sooner or later it will end up in press and I’m going to have a field day ripping this case and social services apart!I think you really underestimate my intelligence and  capability’s as a mum, i don’t get why you need a judge to tell you I’m fit enough? social services are just advisor’s right? (as they keep preaching and proclaiming) so why not just take an interest in me and see for yourself how capable i am! you know it, i don’t know why you need to hear it from a judge ? what fool has to hear from a judge how capable ones child is? you have choices, but if you insist on doing it through court because you wont stand up then so be it on your peril. I’ve never been more ready or prepared i just hope you are too..? X”

I can’t even go into the psychological flip side this shows from mother dearest’s part, it fully clarifys/confirms exactly what i say about her and her lack of capable parenting, it screams using ones child to get to the parent, hysterical erratic irrational behaviour, not of sound mind! Need i say anymore?!

Ok so getting that off my chest to her has helped a little… now i really need these journalists to all get on-board with me on this… MEDIA PRESSURE IS SOOO NEEDED TO EXPOSE THIS SHODDY SOCIAL SERVICE!!

Please pass this on, re-tweet, send to all your email contacts.. someone somewhere has a big contact for me who will guaranteed make a shed load out of my case and help revolutionize social service’s procedures by exposing this! HELP!

Daily Digestions

I told myself id respond to two government consultations tonight: Social Fund reform: debt, credit and low-income households and the Support for All: the Families and Relationships Green Paper, but I’m so brain-dead i literally have no space in my mind to delve into politics tonight! I’ve sorted through 40 tabs of internet pages and now have 3 left up there waiting to get down to one, i open up my emails daily and am inundated with things to comment on! That will teach me to be so opinionated i guess! I will do it in the next couple days… you can guarantee it will provoke some more blogging! 😀

Today i got a call from my grandfather (mother dearest’s father) he was projecting the hysteria mother dearest had undoubtedly filled him with, demanding to know why my daughter is now going up for adoption! I had to say it was all news to me, how my mother has turned potential foster care into adoption i have no idea! It really just reiterated to me how much my family really don’t know me, or never even really bothered to get to know me! some part of the human brain must be rather clever in self protecting from the vulnerability that would ensue should you even talk to your child and unearth that actually your are the reason they were a screwed up kid! ….So i put him straight on a few things and gave him a few home truths mostly on his prodigal daughter whom he then deemed a simple mother hen! My family really are something else!

The feedback I’ve been getting on here and twitter has been really moving and I’m really glad so many people are reading and responding to my posts on my life! It’s really adding to the motivation and is helping my self-esteem and my assurance is steadily growing stronger, I’m so determined now to keep networking and seeking out the break I’m so desperate for! One of my friends said to me the other day that instead of going tabloid first i should wait for case to close then go to This Morning and GMTV for the in sofa shows! Now that would really be something!!

I’m waiting on social services this week; to tell me they’ve sought their legal advise and to arrange the next meeting before court where they try to get me to agree to foster care for my daughter… FAT CHANCE! I wonder if they can see that once they get into court my solicitor is going to crumble their case against me, just with the fact that they have been aware of my family for 8 years and have only now really got involved! (im talking from a legal point of view) ooof the judge is going to have a field day picking apart as to why they haven’t already done the assessments I’ve been asking for, and only now just decided my daughter should have a psychological assessment! Coincidentally they decided that the day after they asked me what i though they should be doing/have done differently! Oh wait am i the social worker or are they?!

That is one thing i read somewhere across the net somewhere and thought oh my god spot on, it was written in 2009 and had said that psychological assessments of children known to social services should be a first step when dealing with any case where a child is involved, social workers aren’t psychologists and clearly their training isn’t thorough enough to identify depth’s of which they need to in order to spot abuse in modern society!

And on that note I’m off to bed, the ole wisdom tooth is giving me jip! X

Off to court we go!

Today i had parents evening, today we had the child in need meeting, and today mother dearest received a letter i wrote last night, and today decided she will be relinquishing care of my daughter in the next 2 weeks, social services will be asking me in the next few days if i will agree for my daughter to go into temporary foster care whilst they assess my parenting, of which i will not agree! I want my daughter home with me and i am gonna fight for this! They of course are going to fight that they want my daughter in foster care until im proven to be sound, trouble is they forget that actually they should have been assessing from a long time ago whether i was suitable or not, and given that up until january i was having unsupervised overnight contact, social services are going to find it hard to prove im not a suitable carer in the short-term! The fight to prove my daughter is suffering from emotional abuse, parental alienation and attachment disorder is going to be a hard one considering social services aren’t trained to spot it in such complicated dynamics, it is going to be a real eye opener for the british public, i am going to try to get a journalist in to cover the case… if anyone knows of someone or anyone that wold be interested do get in contact!

I guess this is all where the end officially starts, like the NSPCC said i have to remain emotionless when outside my house and prove i don’t falter, hard when today i keep bursting into tears without a thought even popping into my head! never the less tomorrow after some sleep the fight will begin!

I have never been more ready

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