Catch up

Been neglecting my head space here a bit, mainly because I’m fairly content at the moment! Its been a while!!

Sure the credit crunch has been getting me down, but nothing some serial market researching cant combat šŸ˜› oooh a taboo subject I will have to write about very soon! my only haste is that should i give away all the tricks of the trade I may loose out in the long run on such a prudential income!

The recent news in politics about benefit overhaul as you can imagine has caught my attention, more so the topic of housing benefits cuts for people with young families in large inner city accommodations and sole occupants of more than 1 bedroom social properties .. I couldn’t agreeĀ  more! I don’t think its fair that people breed willy nilly don’t go to work, give their children a decent quality of life and yet sit back on their couch watching Jeremy Kyle only budging to go on the school run or down to the local boozer! Especially those who are married and could have their husband (wether he’s around or not!) pay his due’s to his family! Is marriage not worth anything these days?! Or the OAP’s (like the ones who live on my block!)Ā  whom sit comfortably in their 2/3 bedroom properties moaning and groaning at the other neighbours with kids, who want to play out, who go to work and have parties on the weekends.. these old people need to realise when its time to move on! If your continually moaning maybe its time to move to a smaller older aged village where the weekly meeting on neighbour hood watch and how to stop the cars from speeding will have some productive outcomes, instead of a younger generation deeming their wants as brainless in an inner city environment! URGH

Also talking with my bessie today about competence.. and the fact that as people in society we are highly competent, and don’t often get that the majority of people aren’t actually as competent as we are, we don’t need to be on a pedestal but seriously i do question if people even use their brains these days! or if we are just a handful of intellectuals having to dumb down in order to fit in? Too be honest I’m sick of it.. watch this space, some radical changes are going to happen soon!

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Seven Days CH4

Have to get this off my chest… anyone who doesn’t get that the new reality tv program Seven Days on Channel 4 is all about INTERACTING with the show via the ChatNav site, Facebook and Twitter! has to be highly stupid and so out of touch with technology its beyond me! I’m sure you’re the percentage of the population with an android phone, not smartphone are we eh!

And why the hell are you moaning about how shit the show is, the whole point is to interact with them to make it better! to get them talking about what you want them to be talking about! If its boring it’s because you clearly don’t know how to utilize technology and the opportunity’s it’s bringing!

So good for them for being the select few who actually were braisen enough to let the camera’s into their lives, do channel 4 need to make a documentary about how half of the traders/residents of Notting Hill they approached said no? NO now that would be BORING! I can actually find a million reasons why the people cussing off the show are the ones with the very small minds that feed (And fund) into the bigger media industry, and will continue to tune in week after week just to slag off the Seven Days characters… even if it is just to make themselves feel a bit better about their own boring existence!

Well done Endemol & Channel 4 for producing another reality corker, and giving the Android public something to moan about!

I LOVE IT! ….and very soon SO WILL YOU!

Recent thought’s on Emotional Abuse

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about life and my blog and what i initially set this up to do, which was to help me stop her (mother dearest) from emotionally abusing her children (me and my siblings) and I’m not sure whether I’ve become disheartened with fighting this cause, or if in actual fact I’ve just learnt so much about it now, that i realise no one can actually help stop this problem.. mainly because its such a widespread issue in our society, emotional abuse is more than just shouting at your children or partner, it’s the long-term effect of living with a person who has numerous unresolved issues of their own which causes them to be unable to cope with everyday things in life, such as mood swings, hormones and the ever-changing society we live in.

I really don’t believe we will ever get to the bottom of emotional abuse unless people stop having children willy nilly, and realise what’s actually wrong with them, through therapeutic services and TIME! and then deal with their issues that make them unable to cope with such things..

and so because of this im thinking of renaming my blog, not sure of what yet but it feels like the right thing to do in order to take my writing to the next step… not sure where that is yet but life has its ways i guess.

In one of my friend counselling convo’s i made a comment to one of my friends this week about how families behave like animals in some circumstances, and i referred to several types of animal behaviour; Monkeys whom expel the one from the group who shows himself to be different, the bullying this monkey endures before being chased out of the group and exiled,and the Lions who very rarely have more than one male per pride, which i don’t need to explain why as we’ve all seen the discovery channel! It’s these exact behaviours animals exhibit which remind me of what many of my friends have experienced with their own families, difference being; Parents not being able to cope with not ruling the roost or being the boss anymore and having to allow their child the space to exert their own personality and preferences in lifestyle, which often parents consciously don’t want to allow or accept has happened, they fail to see the need to say “MY HOUSE MY RULES! DON’T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!” or have the ability to help their child leave the nest successfully with the understanding that everyone needs their own space thus being it their time to fly…

how is it that as humans we still behave like animals when it comes to connecting the brain paths between behaviour and asserting our humanity in a productive way?

Why do families fail to see how their children’s behaviours are products of their home environments?

As children (im speaking for the teens/adults who still live at home here under this term too as in my eyes if you still live at home with your parents your still a child) why are they unable to get through reasonably to their parents and break down the effects their parenting is/has had on them/their life?

Sure for me the only possible explanation is again the “my house my rules” mentality the parent is holding as a brick wall to not hear the truths their child is so clearly showing them… and again why would you as a parent not want to better your child’s life and grow your knowledge of life?! …pickles me this topic does!

It’s this example the most which grates on my soul in emotional abuse, as the above example clearly is… this unknowingly destroying abuse which causes so many problems for so many in life, which should be categorized as Emotional Abuse but is overlooked because we all endure it.

It prevents us as people from moving on in life, and understanding humanity on the whole.. heaven knows it’s the reason so many people bury their heads in distractions not always as productive as work, and yet how do we as a society or even i as the individual get this through to people in a constructive way? ..my only outlet is here in my writing, and in hope that those i send here to read will get what im writing about and fully comprehend what im talking about and take active steps to ensure bad patterns stop?

My fight goes on

Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

Touch and Go Benefit overhaul?

I’m slightly intrigued toĀ  see what this new parliamentĀ  throws out of the bag in its benefit reform… and how they will manage to make us NEET’s better off working than on benefits? As long as it is a change that works for me im diggy down to try it out.. i wonder how tailored to individuals needs it will be?

Take mine for instance, currently trying to complete a debt relief order to erase the Ā£15,000 ive somehow racked up? which will leave my finances monitored for the next year by a specialist… going back to court for residency of my daughter, a routine that changes from week to week… a mental state that is trying desperately to improve and be able to fight those urges that leave me in bed for days at a time contemplating life and whether I’m having a 1/4 life crisis? Seeking a career that normal career advisors and job center staff cant assist with aside from saying I’m being too ambitious and am frankly deluded to think i could turn my life around in such a short space of time… cracking track record they have already! I do hope they will be re-training their oh so helpful un-motivated staff that hang up on me when i call to do a change of bank details! Let alone discuss my transition back into work and better off calculations!

I’m very sceptical indeed that i will be supported eventually as a single mother again, and that i will be better off going to work and managing to pay all the bills and extra curricular activities for my daughter and still be better off! Its a lot of reform they have got to get right, housing and council tax benefits -Tax Credits -Child Benefits -CHILD MAINTENANCE! …literally the impacts are going to be felt in everything!

Take my daughters father, in jail facing about 5 years.. guaranteed to re-offend, guaranteed to be in and out of jail like the majority of criminals i know..and still somehow surprised that he has to pay child maintenance! I will have Ā£1 off your jail income thank-you very much! and i will use it to buy a lottery ticket every week to increase my chances of giving my daughter a better life…. wise investment yes? Indeed im stepping in where he has and will always fail -I hate having to live with that thought too!

All these job cuts can’t be good either…more unemployed people… erghh these spiral out of control thoughts are being induced by thinking about this… our economy really is touch and go if these changes are going to work the government needs to listen to the people who want its help -like me! In order to not slew us into further stricken poverty..because i wont have any trouble wasting the last 5 years of NHS therapy and going back to shoplifting in order to survive, i don’t want to but if i have to there is always a way! ….see the knock on effect here? let me break it down for you incase you missed the point; cut my benefits and not help me effectively back into work, drive me to shoplift or compensate the loss, keep me in therapy longer fighting the urges and need to commit bad patterns of addictive behaviour thus increasing spend and demand on NHS services…KAPISH? oh no wait; cut NHS services and see a surge in criminals and substance degenerates unable to get the help to quit… and wave goodbye to society as we know it!

Say hello to bigger social divides between rich-poor, and all the pro’s and con’s that come with it -New world order! GREAT!

Daily Digestions

I told myself id respond to two government consultations tonight: Social Fund reform: debt, credit and low-income households and the Support for All: the Families and Relationships Green Paper, but I’m so brain-dead i literally have no space in my mind to delve into politics tonight! I’ve sorted through 40 tabs of internet pages and now have 3 left up there waiting to get down to one, i open up my emails daily and am inundated with things to comment on! That will teach me to be so opinionated i guess! I will do it in the next couple days… you can guarantee it will provoke some more blogging! šŸ˜€

Today i got a call from my grandfather (mother dearest’s father) he was projecting the hysteria mother dearest had undoubtedly filled him with, demanding to know why my daughter is now going up for adoption! I had to say it was all news to me, how my mother has turned potential foster care into adoption i have no idea! It really just reiterated to me how much my family really don’t know me, or never even really bothered to get to know me! some part of the human brain must be rather clever in self protecting from the vulnerability that would ensue should you even talk to your child and unearth that actually your are the reason they were a screwed up kid! ….So i put him straight on a few things and gave him a few home truths mostly on his prodigal daughter whom he then deemed a simple mother hen! My family really are something else!

The feedback I’ve been getting on here and twitter has been really moving and I’m really glad so many people are reading and responding to my posts on my life! It’s really adding to the motivation and is helping my self-esteem and my assurance is steadily growing stronger, I’m so determined now to keep networking and seeking out the break I’m so desperate for! One of my friends said to me the other day that instead of going tabloid first i should wait for case to close then go to This Morning and GMTV for the in sofa shows! Now that would really be something!!

I’m waiting on social services this week; to tell me they’ve sought their legal advise and to arrange the next meeting before court where they try to get me to agree to foster care for my daughter… FAT CHANCE! I wonder if they can see that once they get into court my solicitor is going to crumble their case against me, just with the fact that they have been aware of my family for 8 years and have only now really got involved! (im talking from a legal point of view) ooof the judge is going to have a field day picking apart as to why they haven’t already done the assessments I’ve been asking for, and only now just decided my daughter should have a psychological assessment! Coincidentally they decided that the day after they asked me what i though they should be doing/have done differently! Oh wait am i the social worker or are they?!

That is one thing i read somewhere across the net somewhere and thought oh my god spot on, it was written in 2009 and had said that psychological assessments of children known to social services should be a first step when dealing with any case where a child is involved, social workers aren’t psychologists and clearly their training isn’t thorough enough to identify depth’s of which they need to in order to spot abuse in modern society!

And on that note I’m off to bed, the ole wisdom tooth is giving me jip! X

At least we get to see eachother; I CRY…

I’m sick of feeling, especially these emotions that make my heart feel like I’m having open heart surgery with no anaesthetic, I want to throw up, I feel continually nauseous, i have sweats and everything I experience or see makes my brain tick…overtime.

Seeing children on the train crying, I want to shake the parents and tell them how lucky they are, i cant watch you’ve been framed or what ever its called now; funniest shoes on earth, seeing the kids bits makes me cry… i wont buy tinned pasta shapes the kids ones that used to cost 25p but are now 45p let alone walk down the cake aisle!It all just reminds me of my daughter

All the memories of my daughter, anything that reminds me of her or is representative of a child- i cry or in public get extremely choked.

Today my daughter hugged me and said “oh mummy its just not fair, I miss you all the time, I’m so sad; I just want you…*sighed* (hugged me tighter saying) at least we get to see each other…

I cried and she didn’t even notice, does that make me a good mum?

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