Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

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Touch and Go Benefit overhaul?

I’m slightly intrigued to  see what this new parliament  throws out of the bag in its benefit reform… and how they will manage to make us NEET’s better off working than on benefits? As long as it is a change that works for me im diggy down to try it out.. i wonder how tailored to individuals needs it will be?

Take mine for instance, currently trying to complete a debt relief order to erase the £15,000 ive somehow racked up? which will leave my finances monitored for the next year by a specialist… going back to court for residency of my daughter, a routine that changes from week to week… a mental state that is trying desperately to improve and be able to fight those urges that leave me in bed for days at a time contemplating life and whether I’m having a 1/4 life crisis? Seeking a career that normal career advisors and job center staff cant assist with aside from saying I’m being too ambitious and am frankly deluded to think i could turn my life around in such a short space of time… cracking track record they have already! I do hope they will be re-training their oh so helpful un-motivated staff that hang up on me when i call to do a change of bank details! Let alone discuss my transition back into work and better off calculations!

I’m very sceptical indeed that i will be supported eventually as a single mother again, and that i will be better off going to work and managing to pay all the bills and extra curricular activities for my daughter and still be better off! Its a lot of reform they have got to get right, housing and council tax benefits -Tax Credits -Child Benefits -CHILD MAINTENANCE! …literally the impacts are going to be felt in everything!

Take my daughters father, in jail facing about 5 years.. guaranteed to re-offend, guaranteed to be in and out of jail like the majority of criminals i know..and still somehow surprised that he has to pay child maintenance! I will have £1 off your jail income thank-you very much! and i will use it to buy a lottery ticket every week to increase my chances of giving my daughter a better life…. wise investment yes? Indeed im stepping in where he has and will always fail -I hate having to live with that thought too!

All these job cuts can’t be good either…more unemployed people… erghh these spiral out of control thoughts are being induced by thinking about this… our economy really is touch and go if these changes are going to work the government needs to listen to the people who want its help -like me! In order to not slew us into further stricken poverty..because i wont have any trouble wasting the last 5 years of NHS therapy and going back to shoplifting in order to survive, i don’t want to but if i have to there is always a way! ….see the knock on effect here? let me break it down for you incase you missed the point; cut my benefits and not help me effectively back into work, drive me to shoplift or compensate the loss, keep me in therapy longer fighting the urges and need to commit bad patterns of addictive behaviour thus increasing spend and demand on NHS services…KAPISH? oh no wait; cut NHS services and see a surge in criminals and substance degenerates unable to get the help to quit… and wave goodbye to society as we know it!

Say hello to bigger social divides between rich-poor, and all the pro’s and con’s that come with it -New world order! GREAT!

Social Services Pressure Tactics On Vulnerable Family

I’m absolutely fuming right now, just got back from dropping my daughter off to mother dearest’s.. i had a 3 minute conversation with mother dearest where she told me she had decided to withdraw her statement to social services of giving them 2 weeks notice to get the case to court as she wasn’t going to look after her grand-daughter (my daughter) anymore.. and since telling social services they have TO mother dearest that they wont be pursuing the courts or assessing whether I’m a suitable carer or not! Mother dearest said she had come to this conclusion after seeing how upset my daughter and my sister (of the same age)  had been at the start of my other sisters holiday leave.. and said they would all end up on prozac if she gave my daughter either to me or into foster care!

I can’t explain how fuming i am… it’s not hard to work out what social services did, clear pressure tactic’s to make mother dearest think my daughter would end up in foster care! I feel so sick, a service that’s meant to be there to help has told my mother only one side to the coin, my daughter will go into care end of, I’m not even being considered as a carer let alone discussed as a possibility! What’s even worse is that my mothers solicitor hasn’t even informed her of the other avenues we would all have to go down before court could agree to my daughter going into care, like 3 months in a mother and baby unit, or daily visits from social services in my accommodation whilst the ongoing assessments are done… enough is really enough!

I can’t even vent on how non of them have any faith in me bar my aunt solicitor GP and friends, they still think I’m that crazed teenager wrought with emotional and a lack of process and understanding… wow they couldn’t be more wrong!

I just txt mother dearest saying;

“What social services have done is make you think there is no other option before my daughter could ever go into care! All to save themselves the cost of taking us to court and footing the bill! so yet again they are forcing us into court when in fact they should be! what’s even worse is that your solicitor hasn’t even told you of the drill we would have to do before my daughter could go into care i.e.. mother and baby unit etc.! this is a joke.. I’ve got a journalist on call ready to put this whole story through every national paper and GMTV chat show possible, the only thing that stops me is your privacy, i can handle the invasion but you can’t, but sooner or later it will end up in press and I’m going to have a field day ripping this case and social services apart!I think you really underestimate my intelligence and  capability’s as a mum, i don’t get why you need a judge to tell you I’m fit enough? social services are just advisor’s right? (as they keep preaching and proclaiming) so why not just take an interest in me and see for yourself how capable i am! you know it, i don’t know why you need to hear it from a judge ? what fool has to hear from a judge how capable ones child is? you have choices, but if you insist on doing it through court because you wont stand up then so be it on your peril. I’ve never been more ready or prepared i just hope you are too..? X”

I can’t even go into the psychological flip side this shows from mother dearest’s part, it fully clarifys/confirms exactly what i say about her and her lack of capable parenting, it screams using ones child to get to the parent, hysterical erratic irrational behaviour, not of sound mind! Need i say anymore?!

Ok so getting that off my chest to her has helped a little… now i really need these journalists to all get on-board with me on this… MEDIA PRESSURE IS SOOO NEEDED TO EXPOSE THIS SHODDY SOCIAL SERVICE!!

Please pass this on, re-tweet, send to all your email contacts.. someone somewhere has a big contact for me who will guaranteed make a shed load out of my case and help revolutionize social service’s procedures by exposing this! HELP!

Daily Digestions

I told myself id respond to two government consultations tonight: Social Fund reform: debt, credit and low-income households and the Support for All: the Families and Relationships Green Paper, but I’m so brain-dead i literally have no space in my mind to delve into politics tonight! I’ve sorted through 40 tabs of internet pages and now have 3 left up there waiting to get down to one, i open up my emails daily and am inundated with things to comment on! That will teach me to be so opinionated i guess! I will do it in the next couple days… you can guarantee it will provoke some more blogging! 😀

Today i got a call from my grandfather (mother dearest’s father) he was projecting the hysteria mother dearest had undoubtedly filled him with, demanding to know why my daughter is now going up for adoption! I had to say it was all news to me, how my mother has turned potential foster care into adoption i have no idea! It really just reiterated to me how much my family really don’t know me, or never even really bothered to get to know me! some part of the human brain must be rather clever in self protecting from the vulnerability that would ensue should you even talk to your child and unearth that actually your are the reason they were a screwed up kid! ….So i put him straight on a few things and gave him a few home truths mostly on his prodigal daughter whom he then deemed a simple mother hen! My family really are something else!

The feedback I’ve been getting on here and twitter has been really moving and I’m really glad so many people are reading and responding to my posts on my life! It’s really adding to the motivation and is helping my self-esteem and my assurance is steadily growing stronger, I’m so determined now to keep networking and seeking out the break I’m so desperate for! One of my friends said to me the other day that instead of going tabloid first i should wait for case to close then go to This Morning and GMTV for the in sofa shows! Now that would really be something!!

I’m waiting on social services this week; to tell me they’ve sought their legal advise and to arrange the next meeting before court where they try to get me to agree to foster care for my daughter… FAT CHANCE! I wonder if they can see that once they get into court my solicitor is going to crumble their case against me, just with the fact that they have been aware of my family for 8 years and have only now really got involved! (im talking from a legal point of view) ooof the judge is going to have a field day picking apart as to why they haven’t already done the assessments I’ve been asking for, and only now just decided my daughter should have a psychological assessment! Coincidentally they decided that the day after they asked me what i though they should be doing/have done differently! Oh wait am i the social worker or are they?!

That is one thing i read somewhere across the net somewhere and thought oh my god spot on, it was written in 2009 and had said that psychological assessments of children known to social services should be a first step when dealing with any case where a child is involved, social workers aren’t psychologists and clearly their training isn’t thorough enough to identify depth’s of which they need to in order to spot abuse in modern society!

And on that note I’m off to bed, the ole wisdom tooth is giving me jip! X

Off to court we go!

Today i had parents evening, today we had the child in need meeting, and today mother dearest received a letter i wrote last night, and today decided she will be relinquishing care of my daughter in the next 2 weeks, social services will be asking me in the next few days if i will agree for my daughter to go into temporary foster care whilst they assess my parenting, of which i will not agree! I want my daughter home with me and i am gonna fight for this! They of course are going to fight that they want my daughter in foster care until im proven to be sound, trouble is they forget that actually they should have been assessing from a long time ago whether i was suitable or not, and given that up until january i was having unsupervised overnight contact, social services are going to find it hard to prove im not a suitable carer in the short-term! The fight to prove my daughter is suffering from emotional abuse, parental alienation and attachment disorder is going to be a hard one considering social services aren’t trained to spot it in such complicated dynamics, it is going to be a real eye opener for the british public, i am going to try to get a journalist in to cover the case… if anyone knows of someone or anyone that wold be interested do get in contact!

I guess this is all where the end officially starts, like the NSPCC said i have to remain emotionless when outside my house and prove i don’t falter, hard when today i keep bursting into tears without a thought even popping into my head! never the less tomorrow after some sleep the fight will begin!

I have never been more ready

EA & Differences in Culture

I come from a very mixed heritage, although i was born here in the UK practically every generation in my lineage comes from a different country, i survived the mocking when i was younger of kids saying  i was “confused” because i didn’t know where i came from, and was even told on occasions that they felt sorry for me as at least the black/white mixed race people knew where they were from! I’m still to meet a person from as many cultures as i am.. but the effects of my genetics goes beyond looks, petty bullying and family arguments on whether im having an arranged marriage, if im going to a church of England church as a baptised catholic?! You only have to look at my parents to see how the clashes in our heritage werent addressed! My mothers parents had contradicting values her father being from an authoritarian Austrian family where education and routines were enforced, clashing with her mother from a very native influence where the tradition had been for the grandmother to play often the leading role in raising the grandchild/ren, sometimes through unfortunate circumstances ie. death in childbirth, work commitments. Compared to my father whose parents were both very family orientated, and had overcome the intense pressure from their family’s my nan coming from a irish decent where woman were domesticated and manual workers, and not as schooled as my granddad who was typically Indian and had strong views on how women should be in the home, so it’s no wonder both my parents had trouble setting boundaries for themselves let alone for their children!

Increasingly this isn’t a limited situation i find in my family, be it black, white, asian,arab, European mixes cultural combinations are becoming more mixed and more common in everyday society, breaking free of family stereotypes has never been addressed in our society without oppression! And our government needs to have clear boundaries on law, schooling and rights amongst the rest! i don’t think their quite there yet!! Because it is leaving children exposed to increased domestic violence, religious outcasting from places of worship and especially families! the sheer number or children especially in their teens who are scrutinised for dating outside of their culture by their family’s is astonishing! its hard to fathom how such travesty’s can still occur in extreme cases, let alone think about how a CHILD could deal with rejection over a feeling that is natural to our generation where race colour or religion doesn’t influence how we choose our partners!

The signs are evident across our cities and towns, you only need to walk down my high street to see the array of cuisine’s in abundance, but behind the business, behind the smile on the mothers face at the school gates or the friendly hello to the local green grocer the stories are very different and becoming increasingly common on the subject of parenting, as even the people following religion are having problems setting clear boundaries for their children, and in the cases where domestic violence is occurring who is there to protect the child behind closed doors?

when mothers/fathers are so caught up in their partner drama’s that they forget about safeguarding their own children from abusive situations that effectively damage the children’s minds from a very young age! Where teenage parents barely able to cope with their own emotions and conflicts are left holding the baby with a black eye or a cut lip.. self-esteem, so run into the ground they feel they have no one else to turn to! some cast out from their families for having a cross culture teenage pregnancy and some still in contact with their familys and still see their own parents tormented by issues they are now experiencing.

We rely on our G.P’s, school teachers, police, Childline, NSPCC and most importantly our friends to help get us through, but the lack of knowledge and guidelines for professionals to follow when spotting the signs of our abuse is extremely limited and severely outdated! Sexual and physical Abuse have clear guidelines on child protection and how to asses the family situation, but doesn’t always mean that the professionals always pick up on them! And don’t get me started on Emotional Abuse because im living truth that the guidelines in place DO NOT WORK OR PROTECT CHILDREN! Social circles are becoming a life line in this country for children and young people, where people with very similar issues are coming together to form almost group therapy like friendship settings with each other, and through their own experiences can provide reality checks to some, advise on breaking free of the destructive chains in their familys to others, and for those who are outcasted can be the stepping-stones and support system for the person unable to tolerate being demeaned beaten and crushed by the ones who profess to love you! Were a generation let down by a system unable to address the psychological effects history is now having on us, and those who choose to address their historical issues and not bury their heads in alcohol drugs or some form of substance abuse are few and far between! But i am not able to just bury my head and desensitize myself from the problems occurring in this world! I sometimes wish i was…gosh how ignorance really is bliss! But if i didn’t feel something i wouldn’t be human..or a very good one at that of i continued to turn a blind eye!

I can’t let my child live in a society i helped mess up by not speaking out about the injustices of the system, not speaking out is as good as saying you can beat me, rape my soul, take my children and condemn them into a world where no one cares! Society couldn’t be that cruel could it?