Catch up

Been neglecting my head space here a bit, mainly because I’m fairly content at the moment! Its been a while!!

Sure the credit crunch has been getting me down, but nothing some serial market researching cant combat 😛 oooh a taboo subject I will have to write about very soon! my only haste is that should i give away all the tricks of the trade I may loose out in the long run on such a prudential income!

The recent news in politics about benefit overhaul as you can imagine has caught my attention, more so the topic of housing benefits cuts for people with young families in large inner city accommodations and sole occupants of more than 1 bedroom social properties .. I couldn’t agree  more! I don’t think its fair that people breed willy nilly don’t go to work, give their children a decent quality of life and yet sit back on their couch watching Jeremy Kyle only budging to go on the school run or down to the local boozer! Especially those who are married and could have their husband (wether he’s around or not!) pay his due’s to his family! Is marriage not worth anything these days?! Or the OAP’s (like the ones who live on my block!)  whom sit comfortably in their 2/3 bedroom properties moaning and groaning at the other neighbours with kids, who want to play out, who go to work and have parties on the weekends.. these old people need to realise when its time to move on! If your continually moaning maybe its time to move to a smaller older aged village where the weekly meeting on neighbour hood watch and how to stop the cars from speeding will have some productive outcomes, instead of a younger generation deeming their wants as brainless in an inner city environment! URGH

Also talking with my bessie today about competence.. and the fact that as people in society we are highly competent, and don’t often get that the majority of people aren’t actually as competent as we are, we don’t need to be on a pedestal but seriously i do question if people even use their brains these days! or if we are just a handful of intellectuals having to dumb down in order to fit in? Too be honest I’m sick of it.. watch this space, some radical changes are going to happen soon!

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Recent thought’s on Emotional Abuse

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about life and my blog and what i initially set this up to do, which was to help me stop her (mother dearest) from emotionally abusing her children (me and my siblings) and I’m not sure whether I’ve become disheartened with fighting this cause, or if in actual fact I’ve just learnt so much about it now, that i realise no one can actually help stop this problem.. mainly because its such a widespread issue in our society, emotional abuse is more than just shouting at your children or partner, it’s the long-term effect of living with a person who has numerous unresolved issues of their own which causes them to be unable to cope with everyday things in life, such as mood swings, hormones and the ever-changing society we live in.

I really don’t believe we will ever get to the bottom of emotional abuse unless people stop having children willy nilly, and realise what’s actually wrong with them, through therapeutic services and TIME! and then deal with their issues that make them unable to cope with such things..

and so because of this im thinking of renaming my blog, not sure of what yet but it feels like the right thing to do in order to take my writing to the next step… not sure where that is yet but life has its ways i guess.

In one of my friend counselling convo’s i made a comment to one of my friends this week about how families behave like animals in some circumstances, and i referred to several types of animal behaviour; Monkeys whom expel the one from the group who shows himself to be different, the bullying this monkey endures before being chased out of the group and exiled,and the Lions who very rarely have more than one male per pride, which i don’t need to explain why as we’ve all seen the discovery channel! It’s these exact behaviours animals exhibit which remind me of what many of my friends have experienced with their own families, difference being; Parents not being able to cope with not ruling the roost or being the boss anymore and having to allow their child the space to exert their own personality and preferences in lifestyle, which often parents consciously don’t want to allow or accept has happened, they fail to see the need to say “MY HOUSE MY RULES! DON’T LIKE IT FUCK OFF!” or have the ability to help their child leave the nest successfully with the understanding that everyone needs their own space thus being it their time to fly…

how is it that as humans we still behave like animals when it comes to connecting the brain paths between behaviour and asserting our humanity in a productive way?

Why do families fail to see how their children’s behaviours are products of their home environments?

As children (im speaking for the teens/adults who still live at home here under this term too as in my eyes if you still live at home with your parents your still a child) why are they unable to get through reasonably to their parents and break down the effects their parenting is/has had on them/their life?

Sure for me the only possible explanation is again the “my house my rules” mentality the parent is holding as a brick wall to not hear the truths their child is so clearly showing them… and again why would you as a parent not want to better your child’s life and grow your knowledge of life?! …pickles me this topic does!

It’s this example the most which grates on my soul in emotional abuse, as the above example clearly is… this unknowingly destroying abuse which causes so many problems for so many in life, which should be categorized as Emotional Abuse but is overlooked because we all endure it.

It prevents us as people from moving on in life, and understanding humanity on the whole.. heaven knows it’s the reason so many people bury their heads in distractions not always as productive as work, and yet how do we as a society or even i as the individual get this through to people in a constructive way? ..my only outlet is here in my writing, and in hope that those i send here to read will get what im writing about and fully comprehend what im talking about and take active steps to ensure bad patterns stop?

My fight goes on

Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

Social Services Pressure Tactics On Vulnerable Family

I’m absolutely fuming right now, just got back from dropping my daughter off to mother dearest’s.. i had a 3 minute conversation with mother dearest where she told me she had decided to withdraw her statement to social services of giving them 2 weeks notice to get the case to court as she wasn’t going to look after her grand-daughter (my daughter) anymore.. and since telling social services they have TO mother dearest that they wont be pursuing the courts or assessing whether I’m a suitable carer or not! Mother dearest said she had come to this conclusion after seeing how upset my daughter and my sister (of the same age)  had been at the start of my other sisters holiday leave.. and said they would all end up on prozac if she gave my daughter either to me or into foster care!

I can’t explain how fuming i am… it’s not hard to work out what social services did, clear pressure tactic’s to make mother dearest think my daughter would end up in foster care! I feel so sick, a service that’s meant to be there to help has told my mother only one side to the coin, my daughter will go into care end of, I’m not even being considered as a carer let alone discussed as a possibility! What’s even worse is that my mothers solicitor hasn’t even informed her of the other avenues we would all have to go down before court could agree to my daughter going into care, like 3 months in a mother and baby unit, or daily visits from social services in my accommodation whilst the ongoing assessments are done… enough is really enough!

I can’t even vent on how non of them have any faith in me bar my aunt solicitor GP and friends, they still think I’m that crazed teenager wrought with emotional and a lack of process and understanding… wow they couldn’t be more wrong!

I just txt mother dearest saying;

“What social services have done is make you think there is no other option before my daughter could ever go into care! All to save themselves the cost of taking us to court and footing the bill! so yet again they are forcing us into court when in fact they should be! what’s even worse is that your solicitor hasn’t even told you of the drill we would have to do before my daughter could go into care i.e.. mother and baby unit etc.! this is a joke.. I’ve got a journalist on call ready to put this whole story through every national paper and GMTV chat show possible, the only thing that stops me is your privacy, i can handle the invasion but you can’t, but sooner or later it will end up in press and I’m going to have a field day ripping this case and social services apart!I think you really underestimate my intelligence and  capability’s as a mum, i don’t get why you need a judge to tell you I’m fit enough? social services are just advisor’s right? (as they keep preaching and proclaiming) so why not just take an interest in me and see for yourself how capable i am! you know it, i don’t know why you need to hear it from a judge ? what fool has to hear from a judge how capable ones child is? you have choices, but if you insist on doing it through court because you wont stand up then so be it on your peril. I’ve never been more ready or prepared i just hope you are too..? X”

I can’t even go into the psychological flip side this shows from mother dearest’s part, it fully clarifys/confirms exactly what i say about her and her lack of capable parenting, it screams using ones child to get to the parent, hysterical erratic irrational behaviour, not of sound mind! Need i say anymore?!

Ok so getting that off my chest to her has helped a little… now i really need these journalists to all get on-board with me on this… MEDIA PRESSURE IS SOOO NEEDED TO EXPOSE THIS SHODDY SOCIAL SERVICE!!

Please pass this on, re-tweet, send to all your email contacts.. someone somewhere has a big contact for me who will guaranteed make a shed load out of my case and help revolutionize social service’s procedures by exposing this! HELP!

Daily Digestions

I told myself id respond to two government consultations tonight: Social Fund reform: debt, credit and low-income households and the Support for All: the Families and Relationships Green Paper, but I’m so brain-dead i literally have no space in my mind to delve into politics tonight! I’ve sorted through 40 tabs of internet pages and now have 3 left up there waiting to get down to one, i open up my emails daily and am inundated with things to comment on! That will teach me to be so opinionated i guess! I will do it in the next couple days… you can guarantee it will provoke some more blogging! 😀

Today i got a call from my grandfather (mother dearest’s father) he was projecting the hysteria mother dearest had undoubtedly filled him with, demanding to know why my daughter is now going up for adoption! I had to say it was all news to me, how my mother has turned potential foster care into adoption i have no idea! It really just reiterated to me how much my family really don’t know me, or never even really bothered to get to know me! some part of the human brain must be rather clever in self protecting from the vulnerability that would ensue should you even talk to your child and unearth that actually your are the reason they were a screwed up kid! ….So i put him straight on a few things and gave him a few home truths mostly on his prodigal daughter whom he then deemed a simple mother hen! My family really are something else!

The feedback I’ve been getting on here and twitter has been really moving and I’m really glad so many people are reading and responding to my posts on my life! It’s really adding to the motivation and is helping my self-esteem and my assurance is steadily growing stronger, I’m so determined now to keep networking and seeking out the break I’m so desperate for! One of my friends said to me the other day that instead of going tabloid first i should wait for case to close then go to This Morning and GMTV for the in sofa shows! Now that would really be something!!

I’m waiting on social services this week; to tell me they’ve sought their legal advise and to arrange the next meeting before court where they try to get me to agree to foster care for my daughter… FAT CHANCE! I wonder if they can see that once they get into court my solicitor is going to crumble their case against me, just with the fact that they have been aware of my family for 8 years and have only now really got involved! (im talking from a legal point of view) ooof the judge is going to have a field day picking apart as to why they haven’t already done the assessments I’ve been asking for, and only now just decided my daughter should have a psychological assessment! Coincidentally they decided that the day after they asked me what i though they should be doing/have done differently! Oh wait am i the social worker or are they?!

That is one thing i read somewhere across the net somewhere and thought oh my god spot on, it was written in 2009 and had said that psychological assessments of children known to social services should be a first step when dealing with any case where a child is involved, social workers aren’t psychologists and clearly their training isn’t thorough enough to identify depth’s of which they need to in order to spot abuse in modern society!

And on that note I’m off to bed, the ole wisdom tooth is giving me jip! X

Off to court we go!

Today i had parents evening, today we had the child in need meeting, and today mother dearest received a letter i wrote last night, and today decided she will be relinquishing care of my daughter in the next 2 weeks, social services will be asking me in the next few days if i will agree for my daughter to go into temporary foster care whilst they assess my parenting, of which i will not agree! I want my daughter home with me and i am gonna fight for this! They of course are going to fight that they want my daughter in foster care until im proven to be sound, trouble is they forget that actually they should have been assessing from a long time ago whether i was suitable or not, and given that up until january i was having unsupervised overnight contact, social services are going to find it hard to prove im not a suitable carer in the short-term! The fight to prove my daughter is suffering from emotional abuse, parental alienation and attachment disorder is going to be a hard one considering social services aren’t trained to spot it in such complicated dynamics, it is going to be a real eye opener for the british public, i am going to try to get a journalist in to cover the case… if anyone knows of someone or anyone that wold be interested do get in contact!

I guess this is all where the end officially starts, like the NSPCC said i have to remain emotionless when outside my house and prove i don’t falter, hard when today i keep bursting into tears without a thought even popping into my head! never the less tomorrow after some sleep the fight will begin!

I have never been more ready

Mental Health- Me? Real Or Just Another Stereotype?

My first referral…NHS told me I had a personality disorder and was suffering from depression; aged 15

Then I had the private referral which mother dearest paid for; Confirmed ADHD

The difference between the two referrals; The NHS assessment took 1 hour of talking to me whilst I was stoned and in a bad  mood because mother dearest had pissed me off by a doctor who couldn’t have been older than 28 and spoke quite broken English, and seemed herself to be pissed off with doing her job! The private assessment was a little better, id filled out a questionnaire  before hand, and was left in a room for about 30 minutes to hit a laptop key when I saw specific colours or something id been told to do, of which I didn’t take seriously and thought hmm let me see if I can  hack this computer and proceeded to use my computer knowledge to have a look around this laptops mainframe, which meant the end results of the program I was meant to complete were conclusive of those of a person with ADHD, it didn’t highlight my intrigue with BIOS! Mother Dearest and I spoke to the doctor for an hour of which the doctor confirmed I did have ADHD.

I cant help but think both assessments were equally floored, the overworked under trained NHS vs. the private easy to influence overpaid eager to get me into private treatment for more money, and I wonder whether mother dearest specifically took me to this ADHD doctor because her narcissistic Munchausen self wanted the diagnosis more to ease her own conscience and deflect any responsibility from her bad parenting!

Then of my own accord trying to get myself sectioned around the ages of 16/17 by walking into A&E and sitting for 4 hours to ramble on to a doctor about how dangerous I was to the public and myself only to be sent back to mother dearest or my B&B with some Diazepam! Even after being arrested once for carrying an offensive weapon (the night I went to try to do my daughters father then my BF in with my mini baseball bat and a solid metal scraper id found, mother had called the police and said we were both going to kill each other and they found be cycling my BMX down the road like nothing had happened!) the police put me in the back of the car and after talking to me and deciding it was a busy Friday night and the only available police station was miles out they would take me to the mental health unit instead to be assessed, I saw an African nurse who spoke to me..By now it was 2am (id been arrested at 10 pm!) I was calm again; rage over and she sent let me go knowing I was going back to my then BF after we’d both tried to do each other in! I was still a kid; I had no monies and walked about 3 miles to get back to his house for 6am, conveniently stealing the milk bread and orange juice off the doorsteps of the local’s en-route to keep me going!

When I then found out I was pregnant and had decided to go ahead with having my daughter, I actively walked into social services begging for their help so that I wouldn’t continue the patterns of behaviour from my mother and have problems with post natal depression, numerous times only to be sent away as being attention seeking or hysterical as my mother had labelled me, No one listened aside from my GP, my support worker the council had given me and my midwife, and all their hand were tied in the system of red tape as if we pushed too much with my ‘mental health’ problems I could risk having my child taken into care! So we all hoped and worked towards almost ignoring what was going on behind the scenes as there were inadequate services to help me.

I eventually needed CBT therapy 6-12 months after having my daughter, and was in and out of that, but the actual issue I was in there for never was addressed: My mother, she was the root cause of my problems and as long as I continued to see her and require her mothering I would be forever doomed to never break the cycle. Instead of the mental heath service helping me to break free or telling me, your mother is the problem do not see her or your child will be taken from you, they left me being still a child vulnerable to my own mother.

Seeing my father sectioned before my 18th birthday whilst I was pregnant further opened my eyes, cannabis induced schizophrenic who checked himself out of the unit, and after 2 weeks of being back home with his mother stopped taking his medication keeping him sane, and now he’s left roaming with his same paranoid thoughts and talks, not in therapy not in work with the job centre still sending him for work interviews! As his family were now forced with putting him back in a section where he can’t leave until treatment is completed (this leaves him vulnerable to shock treatment and any other method they want to trial on him) or spending his inheritance on his private treatment, as my Nan he lives with is herself dying from brain disease caused by smoking and is now needing pretty much constant supervision, its his care or hers the inheritance will end up being spent on, she doesn’t know she is dying… and yet her doctor who knows my fathers previous history told my father of her diagnosis instead me or any of his other siblings, my father shouldered the diagnosis for a while before breaking down and telling mother dearest who then told me which meant I had to tell my uncles their mother is dying as my father couldn’t tell them! And still no help or support from any mental health or social service, because we know they will zap my Nan’s fortune she worked hard for to leave to her descendants instead of having it snatched by the state that has never helped her!

I look at those last left native tribes who believe people with ‘mental health’ issues are in fact highly psychic and in tune with some higher force, and instead of casting out these people they nurture and embrace their uniqueness turning the ‘mental’ ones into mystics or such status, I cant help but feel they’ve got it right in their methods of treating and supporting those left vulnerable in their tribes. Reading through an article online I found this:

“Often, these problematic behavioural and substance abuse disorders are directly related to the tribal client’s personal history, which was influenced by their parenting and thus, indirectly by the experiences of their parents and grandparents.  In many historical situations (some recent), tribal individuals, their parents, and their grandparents have been adversely impacted by various traumatic experiences.

Historical impacts to tribal families, in combination with a culture of poverty, lead to situations within which parents, grandparents or other caregivers were not able to provide adequate care.”

I then went on to read:

“Thus, each successive generation of tribal parents has experienced their own adverse impacts, roughly in the following order: 1.) The introduction of disease into the system, for which there was no immunity; 2.) Dispossession of property and enforced moving to reserved lands (i.e., typically of marginal value); 3.) Persecution and murder during the various “Indian Wars”; 4.) Enforced assimilation and acculturation through the general allotment act and the federal boarding school system; 5.) Oppression of and outlawing of religion, cultural, and language (i.e., which is the carrier of culture); 6.) Introduction to vices, such as alcohol and drugs; 7.) Inappropriate and inefficient management of governmental and health care systems by dominant culture bureaucrats; 8.) The acting out of internalized oppression through domestic violence and child sexual abuse on other tribal peoples, both within and outside the nuclear family by native people.”

Found here: http://www.bhconference.com/…/Learning%20Objectives%20Final%207%2022%2009.pdf

I was left thinking and feeling as if we all still have historical tribal issues in an inner London modern mindset, and am now pickled as to how science fits in with traditional native beliefs in regards to mental health? I’m sure science just disregards these beliefs. We all have issues which un-addressed or ignored will lead us to a more severe coping strategy our brains are forced to concoct… is it right to call these mental illnesses? And does this stop us from helping those with actual real neurological disorders caused by alcohol drugs and birth defects? If our NHS system is inundated with forced coping mental illnesses that aren’t being helped or resolved by lack of funding and inadequately trained or experienced psychologists how on earth are they helping the people with real mental health disorders? Why is medication being used as a quick fix when that expense it costs the NHS could go to decent therapists, I forget this world is all about money and exploitation.

I’m afraid my life is a classic example of this systems failures and my struggle to break free of the chains so many are happy to just accept, we are all a way for a reason, they day we stop striving for a better mind and a better life we may as well be just euthanized before we spread our unresolved issues onto our children to burden the break!

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