Whitehall Student Protests Evoking My BIG Emotions!

Been sitting here watching the news since 6pm, monitoring twitter -reading the thousands of tweets about the thousands of teenagers kettled in by police at the 24th November 2010 Student Protests against rising University fee’s at Whitehall London UK, the bias views of the press who love to feast on the one riot van being rocked about.. come on why would one police van be driving about amidst 50,000 angry teenage protesters?

They know what happened last time so this was a blatant set up for bad press!

The feelings of anger bubble inside me and i’m not even a student! As a mother who’s daughter is safely tucked up in bed i can only imagine what the parents of these kettled in kids are feeling.. It doesnt make it any easier -I’m asking myself why i actually brought a child into this failing world we live in, where socially were set up to fail? I feel sick

Today put us on the brink of a Revolution -The students revolution, I’m quite sad I’m not educated enough to be involved, i feel thoroughly moved by the unity these students are showing! -It is the rest of the population who should feel ashamed for not being more supportive of our future generation’s education!

I have a headache, twitter and its small minded country bumpkin out of touch morty (my word for more ty’s in their age should put them in the mortuary)  year olds harping on in the most closed minded ways is literally infuriating! I hate to think i exist in a planet where such a travesty is upheld, these morons get paid to work and think like this? FUCK ME.. Get with the times its the 2010 not 1910! Actually in 1910 they probably would have marched into parliament and strung up the dodo’s making such hideous decisions on behalf of this country!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/nov/24/student-protests-childrens-crusade?CMP=twt_gu

I liked this ^^^ despite it being from the bias Guardian!

But this blog post really hit home http://leninology.blogspot.com/ They’re spot on in their writing, todays students are tomorrows government induced militants, hugely underrated and yet sadly it seems to be a general consensus out there that this world is over populated, the earth cant sustain us all, and their is no one radical enough out there to save us all, a back to basics lifestyle isnt what the spoilt majority want to do or even know how to do, shit half the population doesn’t even know how to cook a decent meal from scratch.

The futures not bright but it will be orange when this planet burns p in a huge ball of fire!

I feel better after ranting now ;~)

Advertisements

Catch up

Been neglecting my head space here a bit, mainly because I’m fairly content at the moment! Its been a while!!

Sure the credit crunch has been getting me down, but nothing some serial market researching cant combat 😛 oooh a taboo subject I will have to write about very soon! my only haste is that should i give away all the tricks of the trade I may loose out in the long run on such a prudential income!

The recent news in politics about benefit overhaul as you can imagine has caught my attention, more so the topic of housing benefits cuts for people with young families in large inner city accommodations and sole occupants of more than 1 bedroom social properties .. I couldn’t agree  more! I don’t think its fair that people breed willy nilly don’t go to work, give their children a decent quality of life and yet sit back on their couch watching Jeremy Kyle only budging to go on the school run or down to the local boozer! Especially those who are married and could have their husband (wether he’s around or not!) pay his due’s to his family! Is marriage not worth anything these days?! Or the OAP’s (like the ones who live on my block!)  whom sit comfortably in their 2/3 bedroom properties moaning and groaning at the other neighbours with kids, who want to play out, who go to work and have parties on the weekends.. these old people need to realise when its time to move on! If your continually moaning maybe its time to move to a smaller older aged village where the weekly meeting on neighbour hood watch and how to stop the cars from speeding will have some productive outcomes, instead of a younger generation deeming their wants as brainless in an inner city environment! URGH

Also talking with my bessie today about competence.. and the fact that as people in society we are highly competent, and don’t often get that the majority of people aren’t actually as competent as we are, we don’t need to be on a pedestal but seriously i do question if people even use their brains these days! or if we are just a handful of intellectuals having to dumb down in order to fit in? Too be honest I’m sick of it.. watch this space, some radical changes are going to happen soon!

Mood swings

Everyone has them, and yet mine feel a whole load worser than everyone else’s… and i try to figure out why; all of them triggered off by feeling of doubt within myself, feelings of doubt which stem from bad experiences as a child, bad experiences of which i had no control over, most of which were caused by Mother dearest’s rippling mood swings to someone’s behaviour… even if it wasnt mine that had spurred her into a mood id still get the brunt of it, and im still left trying to undo those feelings of self-doubt, those moments where i blamed myself for my mothers bad moods, those moments i actually believed i was wrong and punished myself for not knowing how to make them right… i still do it to myself now.

I did it to myself today, my daughter had the worst tantrum friday night, and woke up saturday  (today) still asserting her erratic behaviour, the behaviour she exerts when with mother dearest, the behaviour she uses to deal with mother dearest’s mood swings and inconsistent parenting, the behaviour that is very similar to mine; minus the crying and shouting… and all i could do was feel awful, that she was behaving like this and i didn’t know how to stop or help her through those emotions… (i don’t know how to get through mine aside from sleeping it off)  so i did what i knew best and stood my ground, calmly told her she needed to put her other dress on, as the dress she wanted to wear was dirty needed washing and she wasnt able to wear it anyway as i had to sew a button back on! and that until she put her other dress on we werent going out, she refused cried shouted threw things and i ignored her, when she’d calmed down i explained to her that we werent going out today, que tantrum round 2! I was vexed by not getting to go out, the suns been banging and i could have done with some vitamin D intake! never the less she went into her room and got on with doing her thing… i went to bed, fell asleep and was woken by her telling me she was waiting.. and was hungry.. so we ate our left over pizza from last nights dinner and she went back off to play, both of us knowing we both needed our own space… so later on we’d just ate dinner, i asked her to go get ready for bed…. no problems no tantrums no attitude!! GREAT! bed time was no drama or con woman tricks she usually tries to pull and we sat and talked about what happened today, that tantrums will cause bad moods and ruin days so listening to mummy is what she needs to do coz mummy’s know best! she spoke about how she felt; its ok mummy i was being silly.

I couldn’t help but feel as if now i was the one in the wrong in the first place, and that now she’s going to think every time she has a tantrum im going to get in a bad mood…? I really need to check this issue of unresolved childhood bad patterns of behaviour, i don’t want to ever feel like i did today ever again and i feel sooo bad for falling asleep! Even though i clearly needed a nap… and she couldn’t have cared less where i was as she was swimming in her room full of new toys from her recent birthday! But at least now i hope we’ve had our bad day and will be on track for better days and less tantrums!

I sit now really resenting having to send her back to mother dearest, who still doesn’t acknowledge how destructive her behaviour still is to her children and her grand-child; my daughter, i shouldnt have to pick up the pieces every weekend from where mother dearest has practically terrorized my daughter all week with her mood swings! I just want my daughter back, more than ever now. X

Separated Families

Today I attended the Separated Families workshop run for parents dealing with separation issues, sitting in the meeting i could hear mothers brain ticking away as the penny slowly dropped, with every explanation of behaviour signs, exchange of experiences between parents, and the simple solutions Karen provided. I know mother left understanding more that what she came out of Mediation with, and we both managed to agree that such courses should be run in conjunction with if not before Mediation Sessions to be most productive!

The simple yet effective methods of explaining how behaviours and feelings work, using the research like Kubler Ross -Change Curve, doesn’t even leave you needing to verify his theory as it really does make perfect sense! And if you did question or unsure of how an example from your life fitted into the subject we were discussing Karen or one of her team were able to simplify your own emotions and feelings so clearly, you felt a bit stupid for not realising it yourself! Ok not even stupid..I’m exaggerating.. it was like someone re-worded your sentence and made it simple enough for a 5 year old to relate to! Being in an environment with other parents sharing their experiences and troubles was so moving, and probably for me the biggest lesson i learned in yet again keeping perspective; that there are other people in the world going through what you are, you’re not alone, and in a split second you’ve had the reality check you needed to tell you, you’re not an alien, this is fairly normal and now you can move on to find a solution to your next problem… that is some of what life is all about i suppose!

I’m still in total disgust that everything effectively positive I have had to go out of my way to find and if not funded under legal aid I’ve forces social services to pay for! and that they played no help or role in helping me find such services… i really do wonder what social services do now? ..i think i may go look their ethos up!

Back to the point; Separated Families: what an inspiring team Karen has… you can guarantee I’m now preparing a few letters to the Local Authority and all the relevant ministers in support of the benefits of using Separated Families workshops to empower and better help the everyday service user of the lower end of society, because we all know social services don’t touch families of wealth with a barge pole! And really they are the ones who need so much help, i can already foresee in families then community’s, the changes such an empowering and understanding course could bring to better peoples lives.

As always ill keep you updated with my progress on that!  …I’m off now to de-Nit my infested hair! 😀 joyus times! X

Progress & New feelings; Doubt

There have been some huge turn around’s in my case with mother dearest, all thanks to Mediation!

I’ve started to question whether mother dearest really has turned over a new leaf.. or is turning a new one over!?

My efforts to get her to check herself seem to have worked… but i want clarification.. and think I’m going to arrange a meeting mid-week to go through the letter i wrote to her to address the issues that i raised, i want to gauge whether she really fully understands the consequences of her actions, past present and future…?

I question everyday whether her intentions and the good work between us are real or part of her “experimental behaviour” …YES I’m relating to the Kubler Ross -Change Curve!! I guess if mother slips back into depression i kind of have to accept that my path is not her path, and just help her understand again to get her back to experimenting! Mother admitted today that she often feels as if i parent her, and our roles are reversed and have been for a while… (all revelations brought on by the Amazing Karen Woodall and her team running the workshops at Separated Families!!) I really hope she doesn’t slip back and manages to keep climbing up to integration!  I want her to reclaim her motherly role to me.. better late than never!! However i am always sceptical, I don’t want to be hurt again, and I don’t want my daughter to be used as a pawn or resented! I know I’m so close now to getting her back it literally is down to her and how well she adjusts to the new routines, and how stable i keep her and her routines… I don’t need any distractions or cock up’s right now!

Updates in case…

So really positive updates in my case, and again i wont miss and opportunity to plug mediation and recommend its success, literally it had been the breakthrough my case needed! I am generally a fan of therapy and all things talking and ever therapeutic but really cant stress enough the positive benefits of it all!

Mother Dearest and i sat down yesterday to tell my daughter she’s going to be moving back home with me, in time, and on grounds that behaviour has to be kept in check with the reward of a house pet when the official move back has happened… literally i should feel on top of the moon right now, and I almost do… its just so hard to believe that I’ve made all these positive changes happen, and i guess the reality of how I’m trying to help my family is rather immense being that i fully feel like an adult now! I cant explain how thankful i feel to have my brain in this head of mine the insight into family dynamics is taking my friendship levels to a next extent… its slightly daunting having such insight as its almost like my brain never switches off, the constant intake of issues that get processed -continual problem solving of other peoples lives that teach me so much!

I’m waiting on my public funding to get my court date for residency, and have a meeting with the social worker scheduled where mother dearest and i will be detailing our plan for the move back, which will undoubtedly throw the social service team into assessment mode -LONG OVERDUE!

I cant wait!!

Touch and Go Benefit overhaul?

I’m slightly intrigued to  see what this new parliament  throws out of the bag in its benefit reform… and how they will manage to make us NEET’s better off working than on benefits? As long as it is a change that works for me im diggy down to try it out.. i wonder how tailored to individuals needs it will be?

Take mine for instance, currently trying to complete a debt relief order to erase the £15,000 ive somehow racked up? which will leave my finances monitored for the next year by a specialist… going back to court for residency of my daughter, a routine that changes from week to week… a mental state that is trying desperately to improve and be able to fight those urges that leave me in bed for days at a time contemplating life and whether I’m having a 1/4 life crisis? Seeking a career that normal career advisors and job center staff cant assist with aside from saying I’m being too ambitious and am frankly deluded to think i could turn my life around in such a short space of time… cracking track record they have already! I do hope they will be re-training their oh so helpful un-motivated staff that hang up on me when i call to do a change of bank details! Let alone discuss my transition back into work and better off calculations!

I’m very sceptical indeed that i will be supported eventually as a single mother again, and that i will be better off going to work and managing to pay all the bills and extra curricular activities for my daughter and still be better off! Its a lot of reform they have got to get right, housing and council tax benefits -Tax Credits -Child Benefits -CHILD MAINTENANCE! …literally the impacts are going to be felt in everything!

Take my daughters father, in jail facing about 5 years.. guaranteed to re-offend, guaranteed to be in and out of jail like the majority of criminals i know..and still somehow surprised that he has to pay child maintenance! I will have £1 off your jail income thank-you very much! and i will use it to buy a lottery ticket every week to increase my chances of giving my daughter a better life…. wise investment yes? Indeed im stepping in where he has and will always fail -I hate having to live with that thought too!

All these job cuts can’t be good either…more unemployed people… erghh these spiral out of control thoughts are being induced by thinking about this… our economy really is touch and go if these changes are going to work the government needs to listen to the people who want its help -like me! In order to not slew us into further stricken poverty..because i wont have any trouble wasting the last 5 years of NHS therapy and going back to shoplifting in order to survive, i don’t want to but if i have to there is always a way! ….see the knock on effect here? let me break it down for you incase you missed the point; cut my benefits and not help me effectively back into work, drive me to shoplift or compensate the loss, keep me in therapy longer fighting the urges and need to commit bad patterns of addictive behaviour thus increasing spend and demand on NHS services…KAPISH? oh no wait; cut NHS services and see a surge in criminals and substance degenerates unable to get the help to quit… and wave goodbye to society as we know it!

Say hello to bigger social divides between rich-poor, and all the pro’s and con’s that come with it -New world order! GREAT!

Previous Older Entries