I come from a very mixed heritage, although i was born here in the UK practically every generation in my lineage comes from a different country, i survived the mocking when i was younger of kids saying i was “confused” because i didn’t know where i came from, and was even told on occasions that they felt sorry for me as at least the black/white mixed race people knew where they were from! I’m still to meet a person from as many cultures as i am.. but the effects of my genetics goes beyond looks, petty bullying and family arguments on whether im having an arranged marriage, if im going to a church of England church as a baptised catholic?! You only have to look at my parents to see how the clashes in our heritage werent addressed! My mothers parents had contradicting values her father being from an authoritarian Austrian family where education and routines were enforced, clashing with her mother from a very native influence where the tradition had been for the grandmother to play often the leading role in raising the grandchild/ren, sometimes through unfortunate circumstances ie. death in childbirth, work commitments. Compared to my father whose parents were both very family orientated, and had overcome the intense pressure from their family’s my nan coming from a irish decent where woman were domesticated and manual workers, and not as schooled as my granddad who was typically Indian and had strong views on how women should be in the home, so it’s no wonder both my parents had trouble setting boundaries for themselves let alone for their children!
Increasingly this isn’t a limited situation i find in my family, be it black, white, asian,arab, European mixes cultural combinations are becoming more mixed and more common in everyday society, breaking free of family stereotypes has never been addressed in our society without oppression! And our government needs to have clear boundaries on law, schooling and rights amongst the rest! i don’t think their quite there yet!! Because it is leaving children exposed to increased domestic violence, religious outcasting from places of worship and especially families! the sheer number or children especially in their teens who are scrutinised for dating outside of their culture by their family’s is astonishing! its hard to fathom how such travesty’s can still occur in extreme cases, let alone think about how a CHILD could deal with rejection over a feeling that is natural to our generation where race colour or religion doesn’t influence how we choose our partners!
The signs are evident across our cities and towns, you only need to walk down my high street to see the array of cuisine’s in abundance, but behind the business, behind the smile on the mothers face at the school gates or the friendly hello to the local green grocer the stories are very different and becoming increasingly common on the subject of parenting, as even the people following religion are having problems setting clear boundaries for their children, and in the cases where domestic violence is occurring who is there to protect the child behind closed doors?
when mothers/fathers are so caught up in their partner drama’s that they forget about safeguarding their own children from abusive situations that effectively damage the children’s minds from a very young age! Where teenage parents barely able to cope with their own emotions and conflicts are left holding the baby with a black eye or a cut lip.. self-esteem, so run into the ground they feel they have no one else to turn to! some cast out from their families for having a cross culture teenage pregnancy and some still in contact with their familys and still see their own parents tormented by issues they are now experiencing.
We rely on our G.P’s, school teachers, police, Childline, NSPCC and most importantly our friends to help get us through, but the lack of knowledge and guidelines for professionals to follow when spotting the signs of our abuse is extremely limited and severely outdated! Sexual and physical Abuse have clear guidelines on child protection and how to asses the family situation, but doesn’t always mean that the professionals always pick up on them! And don’t get me started on Emotional Abuse because im living truth that the guidelines in place DO NOT WORK OR PROTECT CHILDREN! Social circles are becoming a life line in this country for children and young people, where people with very similar issues are coming together to form almost group therapy like friendship settings with each other, and through their own experiences can provide reality checks to some, advise on breaking free of the destructive chains in their familys to others, and for those who are outcasted can be the stepping-stones and support system for the person unable to tolerate being demeaned beaten and crushed by the ones who profess to love you! Were a generation let down by a system unable to address the psychological effects history is now having on us, and those who choose to address their historical issues and not bury their heads in alcohol drugs or some form of substance abuse are few and far between! But i am not able to just bury my head and desensitize myself from the problems occurring in this world! I sometimes wish i was…gosh how ignorance really is bliss! But if i didn’t feel something i wouldn’t be human..or a very good one at that of i continued to turn a blind eye!
I can’t let my child live in a society i helped mess up by not speaking out about the injustices of the system, not speaking out is as good as saying you can beat me, rape my soul, take my children and condemn them into a world where no one cares! Society couldn’t be that cruel could it?
Helpmestopher's Blog 