Positive Update!

Not much seems to be changing outside of mediation.. which I’m thankful for! At least i know the changes are being brought about my me and I’m finally being listened to! As the mediator put it I’m “having to shout from the rooftops to have a say in my daughter’s life” strange thought that… the fact that a baby i created and gave birth to someone else has more rights to control! I’m steadily gaining my control back however and today feels like an epiphany has finally arrived, today in mediation Mother dearest & I agreed to the following;

  • agreed with mother that we will close mediation and seek funding for court to address my residency of my daughter
  • we made an agreement with numerous things dealing with my daughter and continuing the progress with communication between us
  • we agreed to arrange a meeting with the social worker and her managers to discuss what we have so far agreed to in mediation and to clarify together where social services stand with their involvement. I’ve emailed asking for this to happen.
  • Social Services agreed to fund a 1 day course for mother & I run by Separated Families, agreeing it would benefit us both! (as usual the idea came from me & not them… i am so going to use that in court to show my productiveness and the social services incompetence!
  • I briefly discussed with mother about sole/shared residency and she threw in that social services were advising her to get special guardianship… there are a number of matters mother & I will be considering in that final decision depending on what happens over the next 2 weeks given our agreement and need to think of future possibility’s when i get my daughter back full-time, and if and when mother moves house (in the next year & half)
  • Strangely mediation is not funded under legal aid whilst i am going through court (which is rubbish as it is a huge benefit to have!) so we have been referred to their bridges project, which will be done with the same person who did our mediation at the same place which is fab! This will be a sort of 3rd party view on the progress between mother dearest & I on our agreement, including the meetings mother & I will hold separately between us both every 3 weeks or so or in emergency’s to discuss my daughter.
  • no over night’s as yet (will be reviewed soon)

I am happy however that I’ve finally found a way to communicate with mother dearest about this & my daughters needs, and effectively take the lead as mother dearest is clearly in complete chaos (reverse parenting or what!) so establishing clear boundaries and rules has been great and will continue! Those simple things like mealtime routines, bedtime’s, clear explanations  to my daughter about what the schedule for the day is, and enforcing the naughty chair and token chart from the offset without having to threaten it! Being able to keep consistent structured and most importantly show my daughter that she is loved and to make her feel secure by both me and mother dearest (grand-mother dearest in her case! lol)

I actually was quite dubious about mediation and for this session especially as it was only the second session.. however this has only been made possible by my ability to identify clear solutions to the problems mother dearest faces especially, having the mediator tell her well actually your daughter does have a point and wording it differently has made a huge difference! I do wonder how long it could have dragged out for had i not been more forceful on bringing practical changes about as soon as possible!

Note to self; Go and get some people communication skills and brush up on body language voice tones and learn how to manipulate my conduct to get what i want to convey across…

So were finally getting back to court, mother finally admitted she needs a judge to tell her and the social workers i am capable so that no one blames her for any wrongs!

It just dawned on me again, I’m doing what social services should have done 3 years ago, and I’m not even a qualified social worker! I don’t get paid, i have to do this in order to “fix” (i hate using that word but it is what I’m doing!) my family and I’m still thoroughly disgusted at the lack of assistance social services have provided, or rather NOT PROVIDED! I will be making sure my solicitor points this out to the judge in the court case, how the majority of positive outcomes in this case were brought about asked for and demanded by me! I’m long overdue some credit!

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Daily Digestions

I told myself id respond to two government consultations tonight: Social Fund reform: debt, credit and low-income households and the Support for All: the Families and Relationships Green Paper, but I’m so brain-dead i literally have no space in my mind to delve into politics tonight! I’ve sorted through 40 tabs of internet pages and now have 3 left up there waiting to get down to one, i open up my emails daily and am inundated with things to comment on! That will teach me to be so opinionated i guess! I will do it in the next couple days… you can guarantee it will provoke some more blogging! 😀

Today i got a call from my grandfather (mother dearest’s father) he was projecting the hysteria mother dearest had undoubtedly filled him with, demanding to know why my daughter is now going up for adoption! I had to say it was all news to me, how my mother has turned potential foster care into adoption i have no idea! It really just reiterated to me how much my family really don’t know me, or never even really bothered to get to know me! some part of the human brain must be rather clever in self protecting from the vulnerability that would ensue should you even talk to your child and unearth that actually your are the reason they were a screwed up kid! ….So i put him straight on a few things and gave him a few home truths mostly on his prodigal daughter whom he then deemed a simple mother hen! My family really are something else!

The feedback I’ve been getting on here and twitter has been really moving and I’m really glad so many people are reading and responding to my posts on my life! It’s really adding to the motivation and is helping my self-esteem and my assurance is steadily growing stronger, I’m so determined now to keep networking and seeking out the break I’m so desperate for! One of my friends said to me the other day that instead of going tabloid first i should wait for case to close then go to This Morning and GMTV for the in sofa shows! Now that would really be something!!

I’m waiting on social services this week; to tell me they’ve sought their legal advise and to arrange the next meeting before court where they try to get me to agree to foster care for my daughter… FAT CHANCE! I wonder if they can see that once they get into court my solicitor is going to crumble their case against me, just with the fact that they have been aware of my family for 8 years and have only now really got involved! (im talking from a legal point of view) ooof the judge is going to have a field day picking apart as to why they haven’t already done the assessments I’ve been asking for, and only now just decided my daughter should have a psychological assessment! Coincidentally they decided that the day after they asked me what i though they should be doing/have done differently! Oh wait am i the social worker or are they?!

That is one thing i read somewhere across the net somewhere and thought oh my god spot on, it was written in 2009 and had said that psychological assessments of children known to social services should be a first step when dealing with any case where a child is involved, social workers aren’t psychologists and clearly their training isn’t thorough enough to identify depth’s of which they need to in order to spot abuse in modern society!

And on that note I’m off to bed, the ole wisdom tooth is giving me jip! X