Mood swings

Everyone has them, and yet mine feel a whole load worser than everyone else’s… and i try to figure out why; all of them triggered off by feeling of doubt within myself, feelings of doubt which stem from bad experiences as a child, bad experiences of which i had no control over, most of which were caused by Mother dearest’s rippling mood swings to someone’s behaviour… even if it wasnt mine that had spurred her into a mood id still get the brunt of it, and im still left trying to undo those feelings of self-doubt, those moments where i blamed myself for my mothers bad moods, those moments i actually believed i was wrong and punished myself for not knowing how to make them right… i still do it to myself now.

I did it to myself today, my daughter had the worst tantrum friday night, and woke up saturday  (today) still asserting her erratic behaviour, the behaviour she exerts when with mother dearest, the behaviour she uses to deal with mother dearest’s mood swings and inconsistent parenting, the behaviour that is very similar to mine; minus the crying and shouting… and all i could do was feel awful, that she was behaving like this and i didn’t know how to stop or help her through those emotions… (i don’t know how to get through mine aside from sleeping it off)  so i did what i knew best and stood my ground, calmly told her she needed to put her other dress on, as the dress she wanted to wear was dirty needed washing and she wasnt able to wear it anyway as i had to sew a button back on! and that until she put her other dress on we werent going out, she refused cried shouted threw things and i ignored her, when she’d calmed down i explained to her that we werent going out today, que tantrum round 2! I was vexed by not getting to go out, the suns been banging and i could have done with some vitamin D intake! never the less she went into her room and got on with doing her thing… i went to bed, fell asleep and was woken by her telling me she was waiting.. and was hungry.. so we ate our left over pizza from last nights dinner and she went back off to play, both of us knowing we both needed our own space… so later on we’d just ate dinner, i asked her to go get ready for bed…. no problems no tantrums no attitude!! GREAT! bed time was no drama or con woman tricks she usually tries to pull and we sat and talked about what happened today, that tantrums will cause bad moods and ruin days so listening to mummy is what she needs to do coz mummy’s know best! she spoke about how she felt; its ok mummy i was being silly.

I couldn’t help but feel as if now i was the one in the wrong in the first place, and that now she’s going to think every time she has a tantrum im going to get in a bad mood…? I really need to check this issue of unresolved childhood bad patterns of behaviour, i don’t want to ever feel like i did today ever again and i feel sooo bad for falling asleep! Even though i clearly needed a nap… and she couldn’t have cared less where i was as she was swimming in her room full of new toys from her recent birthday! But at least now i hope we’ve had our bad day and will be on track for better days and less tantrums!

I sit now really resenting having to send her back to mother dearest, who still doesn’t acknowledge how destructive her behaviour still is to her children and her grand-child; my daughter, i shouldnt have to pick up the pieces every weekend from where mother dearest has practically terrorized my daughter all week with her mood swings! I just want my daughter back, more than ever now. X

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Separated Families

Today I attended the Separated Families workshop run for parents dealing with separation issues, sitting in the meeting i could hear mothers brain ticking away as the penny slowly dropped, with every explanation of behaviour signs, exchange of experiences between parents, and the simple solutions Karen provided. I know mother left understanding more that what she came out of Mediation with, and we both managed to agree that such courses should be run in conjunction with if not before Mediation Sessions to be most productive!

The simple yet effective methods of explaining how behaviours and feelings work, using the research like Kubler Ross -Change Curve, doesn’t even leave you needing to verify his theory as it really does make perfect sense! And if you did question or unsure of how an example from your life fitted into the subject we were discussing Karen or one of her team were able to simplify your own emotions and feelings so clearly, you felt a bit stupid for not realising it yourself! Ok not even stupid..I’m exaggerating.. it was like someone re-worded your sentence and made it simple enough for a 5 year old to relate to! Being in an environment with other parents sharing their experiences and troubles was so moving, and probably for me the biggest lesson i learned in yet again keeping perspective; that there are other people in the world going through what you are, you’re not alone, and in a split second you’ve had the reality check you needed to tell you, you’re not an alien, this is fairly normal and now you can move on to find a solution to your next problem… that is some of what life is all about i suppose!

I’m still in total disgust that everything effectively positive I have had to go out of my way to find and if not funded under legal aid I’ve forces social services to pay for! and that they played no help or role in helping me find such services… i really do wonder what social services do now? ..i think i may go look their ethos up!

Back to the point; Separated Families: what an inspiring team Karen has… you can guarantee I’m now preparing a few letters to the Local Authority and all the relevant ministers in support of the benefits of using Separated Families workshops to empower and better help the everyday service user of the lower end of society, because we all know social services don’t touch families of wealth with a barge pole! And really they are the ones who need so much help, i can already foresee in families then community’s, the changes such an empowering and understanding course could bring to better peoples lives.

As always ill keep you updated with my progress on that!  …I’m off now to de-Nit my infested hair! 😀 joyus times! X

Progress & New feelings; Doubt

There have been some huge turn around’s in my case with mother dearest, all thanks to Mediation!

I’ve started to question whether mother dearest really has turned over a new leaf.. or is turning a new one over!?

My efforts to get her to check herself seem to have worked… but i want clarification.. and think I’m going to arrange a meeting mid-week to go through the letter i wrote to her to address the issues that i raised, i want to gauge whether she really fully understands the consequences of her actions, past present and future…?

I question everyday whether her intentions and the good work between us are real or part of her “experimental behaviour” …YES I’m relating to the Kubler Ross -Change Curve!! I guess if mother slips back into depression i kind of have to accept that my path is not her path, and just help her understand again to get her back to experimenting! Mother admitted today that she often feels as if i parent her, and our roles are reversed and have been for a while… (all revelations brought on by the Amazing Karen Woodall and her team running the workshops at Separated Families!!) I really hope she doesn’t slip back and manages to keep climbing up to integration!  I want her to reclaim her motherly role to me.. better late than never!! However i am always sceptical, I don’t want to be hurt again, and I don’t want my daughter to be used as a pawn or resented! I know I’m so close now to getting her back it literally is down to her and how well she adjusts to the new routines, and how stable i keep her and her routines… I don’t need any distractions or cock up’s right now!