Mental Health- Me? Real Or Just Another Stereotype?

My first referral…NHS told me I had a personality disorder and was suffering from depression; aged 15

Then I had the private referral which mother dearest paid for; Confirmed ADHD

The difference between the two referrals; The NHS assessment took 1 hour of talking to me whilst I was stoned and in a bad  mood because mother dearest had pissed me off by a doctor who couldn’t have been older than 28 and spoke quite broken English, and seemed herself to be pissed off with doing her job! The private assessment was a little better, id filled out a questionnaire  before hand, and was left in a room for about 30 minutes to hit a laptop key when I saw specific colours or something id been told to do, of which I didn’t take seriously and thought hmm let me see if I can  hack this computer and proceeded to use my computer knowledge to have a look around this laptops mainframe, which meant the end results of the program I was meant to complete were conclusive of those of a person with ADHD, it didn’t highlight my intrigue with BIOS! Mother Dearest and I spoke to the doctor for an hour of which the doctor confirmed I did have ADHD.

I cant help but think both assessments were equally floored, the overworked under trained NHS vs. the private easy to influence overpaid eager to get me into private treatment for more money, and I wonder whether mother dearest specifically took me to this ADHD doctor because her narcissistic Munchausen self wanted the diagnosis more to ease her own conscience and deflect any responsibility from her bad parenting!

Then of my own accord trying to get myself sectioned around the ages of 16/17 by walking into A&E and sitting for 4 hours to ramble on to a doctor about how dangerous I was to the public and myself only to be sent back to mother dearest or my B&B with some Diazepam! Even after being arrested once for carrying an offensive weapon (the night I went to try to do my daughters father then my BF in with my mini baseball bat and a solid metal scraper id found, mother had called the police and said we were both going to kill each other and they found be cycling my BMX down the road like nothing had happened!) the police put me in the back of the car and after talking to me and deciding it was a busy Friday night and the only available police station was miles out they would take me to the mental health unit instead to be assessed, I saw an African nurse who spoke to me..By now it was 2am (id been arrested at 10 pm!) I was calm again; rage over and she sent let me go knowing I was going back to my then BF after we’d both tried to do each other in! I was still a kid; I had no monies and walked about 3 miles to get back to his house for 6am, conveniently stealing the milk bread and orange juice off the doorsteps of the local’s en-route to keep me going!

When I then found out I was pregnant and had decided to go ahead with having my daughter, I actively walked into social services begging for their help so that I wouldn’t continue the patterns of behaviour from my mother and have problems with post natal depression, numerous times only to be sent away as being attention seeking or hysterical as my mother had labelled me, No one listened aside from my GP, my support worker the council had given me and my midwife, and all their hand were tied in the system of red tape as if we pushed too much with my ‘mental health’ problems I could risk having my child taken into care! So we all hoped and worked towards almost ignoring what was going on behind the scenes as there were inadequate services to help me.

I eventually needed CBT therapy 6-12 months after having my daughter, and was in and out of that, but the actual issue I was in there for never was addressed: My mother, she was the root cause of my problems and as long as I continued to see her and require her mothering I would be forever doomed to never break the cycle. Instead of the mental heath service helping me to break free or telling me, your mother is the problem do not see her or your child will be taken from you, they left me being still a child vulnerable to my own mother.

Seeing my father sectioned before my 18th birthday whilst I was pregnant further opened my eyes, cannabis induced schizophrenic who checked himself out of the unit, and after 2 weeks of being back home with his mother stopped taking his medication keeping him sane, and now he’s left roaming with his same paranoid thoughts and talks, not in therapy not in work with the job centre still sending him for work interviews! As his family were now forced with putting him back in a section where he can’t leave until treatment is completed (this leaves him vulnerable to shock treatment and any other method they want to trial on him) or spending his inheritance on his private treatment, as my Nan he lives with is herself dying from brain disease caused by smoking and is now needing pretty much constant supervision, its his care or hers the inheritance will end up being spent on, she doesn’t know she is dying… and yet her doctor who knows my fathers previous history told my father of her diagnosis instead me or any of his other siblings, my father shouldered the diagnosis for a while before breaking down and telling mother dearest who then told me which meant I had to tell my uncles their mother is dying as my father couldn’t tell them! And still no help or support from any mental health or social service, because we know they will zap my Nan’s fortune she worked hard for to leave to her descendants instead of having it snatched by the state that has never helped her!

I look at those last left native tribes who believe people with ‘mental health’ issues are in fact highly psychic and in tune with some higher force, and instead of casting out these people they nurture and embrace their uniqueness turning the ‘mental’ ones into mystics or such status, I cant help but feel they’ve got it right in their methods of treating and supporting those left vulnerable in their tribes. Reading through an article online I found this:

“Often, these problematic behavioural and substance abuse disorders are directly related to the tribal client’s personal history, which was influenced by their parenting and thus, indirectly by the experiences of their parents and grandparents.  In many historical situations (some recent), tribal individuals, their parents, and their grandparents have been adversely impacted by various traumatic experiences.

Historical impacts to tribal families, in combination with a culture of poverty, lead to situations within which parents, grandparents or other caregivers were not able to provide adequate care.”

I then went on to read:

“Thus, each successive generation of tribal parents has experienced their own adverse impacts, roughly in the following order: 1.) The introduction of disease into the system, for which there was no immunity; 2.) Dispossession of property and enforced moving to reserved lands (i.e., typically of marginal value); 3.) Persecution and murder during the various “Indian Wars”; 4.) Enforced assimilation and acculturation through the general allotment act and the federal boarding school system; 5.) Oppression of and outlawing of religion, cultural, and language (i.e., which is the carrier of culture); 6.) Introduction to vices, such as alcohol and drugs; 7.) Inappropriate and inefficient management of governmental and health care systems by dominant culture bureaucrats; 8.) The acting out of internalized oppression through domestic violence and child sexual abuse on other tribal peoples, both within and outside the nuclear family by native people.”

Found here: http://www.bhconference.com/…/Learning%20Objectives%20Final%207%2022%2009.pdf

I was left thinking and feeling as if we all still have historical tribal issues in an inner London modern mindset, and am now pickled as to how science fits in with traditional native beliefs in regards to mental health? I’m sure science just disregards these beliefs. We all have issues which un-addressed or ignored will lead us to a more severe coping strategy our brains are forced to concoct… is it right to call these mental illnesses? And does this stop us from helping those with actual real neurological disorders caused by alcohol drugs and birth defects? If our NHS system is inundated with forced coping mental illnesses that aren’t being helped or resolved by lack of funding and inadequately trained or experienced psychologists how on earth are they helping the people with real mental health disorders? Why is medication being used as a quick fix when that expense it costs the NHS could go to decent therapists, I forget this world is all about money and exploitation.

I’m afraid my life is a classic example of this systems failures and my struggle to break free of the chains so many are happy to just accept, we are all a way for a reason, they day we stop striving for a better mind and a better life we may as well be just euthanized before we spread our unresolved issues onto our children to burden the break!

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